Siblings To Jonas

10

SABRINAS POV

DOES CONTAIN SELF HARM, IF TRIGGERED, SKIP THIS CHAPTER.

I wake up the next morning to nobody with me. I see a note on the side of the desk saying that they had a last minute interview to go to. I get out of bed feeling extra sad. But I couldn't cry today, I promised Allie that. But I didn't promise what was going to happen next. I walk into the bathroom and pull out my sewing kit. I have it always just in case the boys needed a button or a hole re sewn. I take the blade out. Just one small cut can't hurt right? My brothers would never find out about this. I hope. I make one small cut soon regretting it. Then I keep going. It lead to the next wrist. But I knew it was too much. So I stopped. I cleaned the blade so my brothers couldn't find evidence. I put it away from being cleaned, and I put one of Nicks sweatshirts on. I get back in bed and watch some Tv, until Nick walks in.
N: I see that someone is up.
Sa: morning. How was the interview?
N: good, but a little bit boring. How have you been.
Sa: sad, but I can't cry so-
N: I'm now starting wrist check if I leave in the mornings. Wrist check.
Sa: Nick, no.
N: Nick yes.
Sa: no-
Before I could stop him, he grabbed my hands and looked. His face just went white.
N: but- why- what-
Sa: I- just. I- I can't explain.
N: I'm only telling Joe and Kevin. But if it happens again, mom and dad will find out.
He gets up and stomps out of the room. I just start to cry at his reaction. I never want to see him like that. Then a minute later the other two walk in with worried looks.
J: Nick told us.
K: is it true?
Nick takes my hands and shows them. There faces just go white.
Sa: I've just been scared ok. I'm slowly losing my best friend, this is now happening and I can't remember why because I'm in a trance when it happens, and I'm stressed because I just want you guys happy. I haven't thought about myself in weeks. I just think about you guys. And your approval and your reactions. This is why I haven't been doing school, because I'm so worried ok. Ok. OK.
I just break down. They all look at me without saying a word while I cry. They all go into the bathroom to have a talk I'm gonna guess because I heard some arguing and then I just cry even more. The boys walk back out and all surround me.
J: we made a deal.
N: if this ever happens again. Even the slightest bit.
K: we are telling mom and Dad.
J: but sense you just let your feelings out, we feel horrible about it. So that's why.
K: but if they find out, it's all on you.
N: and we said that we are telling Allie and Sam about this ok.
Sa: tell sam, he deserves to know. Then he can drop me. Just not Allie. She doesn't need this right now.
J: hey, what do you mean by that with Sam.
Sa: who would want to date a girl who does this to herself and calls herself ugly and too fat everyday. I don't even get why anyone loves me.
N: why do you think that.
Sa: because, it just goes through my mind. I don't want it to but it does. Why do you think this happened in the first place.
K: wow, we didn't know it was that bad.
Sa: yeah, and I've been keeping this in for years. But mom and dad got me an online therapist years ago for when this happened last. I didn't want to tell you guys because you would feel horrible, but I'm telling you guys this because I can ok.
I just break down even more. Joe pulls me into his arms and looks at my wrists.
J: Nick, can you go get the first aid kit. And Kev make sure there are no sharp objects in this room and go put them in yours or my room ok.
The other two leave I just barrie my head into his chest. He rubs him hand up against my back, up and down to help me settle down.
J: I know this is hard Bri, but you just need to talk sometime ok.
Sa: sometimes I can't talk. It results into this and other things.
J: what other things?
Sa: thinking bad about myself. Like I told you guys earlier, I think I'm fat, ugly, and useless ok. I know girls who would rather talk to there parents and never let there brothers know. But right now, all I want is at least one of your guys with me.
J: oh, I get it. After tonight's concert, we get on the bus. If you need to, come bunk with Nick or I. We would rather you be with us, then you feeling alone.
Sa: I know, I just want to be home, and be with my best friend. But I can't.
J: we know that, it's going to get better you know this right.
Sa: yes. I've also noticed that my anxiety for when I'm in the dark, automatically gets me into a panic attack.
J: oh, then what about the boxes for when we get on stage.
Sa: I don't know. Just don't tell Nick right now, I don't know but I feel like he's just more disappointed in me now.
J: trust us, he still thinks your amazing. He doesn't want everyone to know this but, in his box for going on stage, he has a photo of you.
Sa: awwww. Thanks Joe. For this. Even talking to me after that.
J: that's what an older brother does.
The Nick walks back into the room.
N: I had to go downstairs to the front lobby to get one. Then a few fans spotted me.
J: thanks. Come on.
He puts me back up against my pillow and they each take a hand and clean it up. It stung like hell but I got over it. They put band aids on them and Joe made sure I wore a long sleeve shirt tonight. Then he left the room. So it was just Nick and I. My nerves where all over the place so he picked up on it.
N: are you ok?
Sa: is that a serious question.
N: sorry. But you seem anxious.
Sa: ok you know what, I am. I'm scared of how you are reacting to this. You've seemed a little bit distance from me and after today, my nerves have gone through the roof. I talked to Joe and it calmed me down very little. But I just hate that I know your upset about this but you won't tell me how you feel.
N: wow. I didn't know you felt that way. I've just been all nervous in general ok. I'm worried about you 24/7 but what's new. And I just hope that the fans love the concerts.
Sa: they do trust me. When they scream at the top of there lungs, they love it. Everyone is worried about me these days, so have I. I just don't know how I'm going to get through this.
He goes over to me and brings me into a hug.
N: again, if you ever need us, just say so ok. I'm glad your getting your emotions out.
Sa: yeah, but hey, you have a concert to get ready for.
N: I would rather be here with you then that.
Sa: it's your job bub. You gotta do it.
N: so when did you become my boss.
Sa: when I have no more tears, I turn to bossing my brothers. Even the dumber older ones.
N: wow, love you.
Sa: love you too.
We both hug again and get out of bed. We pack up and I change and shower. We head to the lobby and meet up with the rest of the family. Next and last person I still have to talk to is Kev. This is going to be a hard one. Rob takes us to the car and us and all of our luggage piles in. I sit in between nick and joe and I look over and Kev and he just looks devastated. I think he told Dani but when I looked at her, she just smiled and I knew he did. We arrive at the arena and we all get out.
Sa: can I talk to you Kev once we get in.
K: yeah, ok sure.
He was thrown off by my comment and looked away again. I squeezed Joe hand and he looked at me knowing I was nervous. Nick could tell also but he wasn't gonna say anything. Everyone else walks into the green room while Kev and I take a walk. We are silent the whole time until he finds a bench. We both take a seat and he speaks up.
K: why, why would you do this.
Sa: well I'm sorry that everything is getting to my head. Like I told you, my boyfriend might break up with me, I'm slowly loosing my best friend, I'm ugly, fat, and gross. And school has been messing with my head.
K: right. Well you know that we don't want this happening.
Sa: yeah I know. But I feel like I don't know how to talk to you anymore. Your all adult now and I'm still a kid. It just stresses me out that my older brother and I are starting to distance.
K: that's not true. Yeah I'm an adult but I'm always here for you Bri.
Sa: it doesn't feel like it.
K: well I am ok. And you better never think about it. Because I love you little kid.
He messed with my hair on that last comment and I just laugh.
Sa: I love you too.
We hug and we head back to the green room. The boys had to run sound check while the rest of us ate. The boys come back in and check on me then eat dinner. After dinner, the boys got ready while it was just Dani and I in the green room.
Da: Kev told me.
Sa: I figured.
Da: what caused this?
I tell her everything and she understands now.
Da: wow, that must be a lot.
Sa: yeah, and the boys reactions. Killed me.
Da: when Kevin told me, he just broke down. Likes it's the worst I've ever seen him.
Sa: really? Wow I didn't know.
Da: yeah, he loves you and wants to be closer with you.
Sa: yeah, I need to spend some more time with him.
Da: yeah, and I would love to get to know you more.
Sa: I think you will on this tour. Now I don't have to be in here by myself. I can talk during sound check and not by myself.
Da: yeah, well I think it's starting in a minute let's go.
We walk out and walk over to where the rest of the family was. I give the boys a hug and they go into there boxes. We hear fans screaming and they get up to the stage. The show was two hours long and after, the boys come back and they look tired.
Sa: great show guys!
N: thanks!
J: I'm tired.
Sa: we can tell Joe.
He smiles at me and they go to there dressing rooms. They get there stuff together and get on the bus. We had to make a stop at the hotel so they could get there stuff and shower. While they did that, I fell asleep on my bunk.
NICKS POV
We get all of our stuff from the hotel and shower then head straight back to the bus. I change into my pajamas and go over to Bri's bunk and see that she's asleep. I climb next to her making sure she doesn't wake up. I give her a kiss on her head and fall asleep. I just hope she doesn't repeat today.
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Hope you liked it. This one was long but it needed the detail.