The Gods of Song and Poetry

Chapter 44 - My First

Chapter 44 - My First

"What are you talking about?" I wasn't letting myself understand her. I didn't want to understand her.

"I guess he lost his job a while ago, so he's been looking for work, and some place near Dayton hired him." Kelly's voice was higher and louder than it normally was.

"They want to take you to Ohio?" I must have sounded like an idiot, asking the obvious. "How far is that from Madison?" My voice was starting to sound louder to me, too.

"Seven hours." Her amber eyes, bloodshot and teary, looked up at me. I wondered if she hadn't been sleeping much. "It's seven hours away."

"Well," I floundered, "you could just go on living with your grandparents then, or maybe your dad, right?"

"I don't think it's a choice, Ani. Besides," she exhaled more than said the rest, begging for my understanding, "it's my mom."

Logistics of seeing Kelly clicked away in my head. "Well, you'll still be staying with your dad a lot, right? So, we'll still get to see each other."

"I talked to my dad yesterday about living with him for part of the year. He said he's nowhere near getting a business going like he wanted, and he's still gone too much. He even said he might move closer to Dayton to spend more time with me since to him a house is just a place to keep his stuff between runs."

Panic grew inside of me. Kelly was smart. Smart enough to think about how to fix, or at least remediate, the problem. Plus, she had a two day head start on me. Yet, she was in tears. She hadn't found a solution. I couldn't give up, though.

"Well, you'll still be staying with your grandparents sometimes, right? Plus, we can call each other every day. I swear, Kelly, that's enough for me." It sounded desperate, I know. I was desperate. Regardless, I believed every word.

"When my mom called, she said she saw that I still had my 'little problem,' and that we would have to talk about it. She must have seen something online. She said she didn't tell my stepdad, but Ani, the first time they found out I was with a girl, they started checking my phone everyday to see who I talked to. What if they do it again?"

"Let them find out! What's the worst they could do? Send you to live with your grandparents again? Then at least I would get to see you!" My voice was angry and sad at the same time. I tried to calm down. I didn't want Kelly to think I was mad at her.

Kelly lost her voice once more, and exhaled more than spoke, "But Ani, she's my mom."

I understood, then. I didn't understand the first time she said it, but I understood this time. She wasn't telling me that there was no solution.

"Ani," she said once more through tears. It was a plea. She was begging me to forgive her, to understand. She was begging me to not make her say it...that I was her second choice.

I broke down for good and started crying. Ugly crying. We were grabbing each other more than hugging at this point. My mind was racing, trying to deny that what was happening was real. There was a solution. There had to be. Just hours ago I was on top of the world. Now, I felt like the world was ending.

It was getting dark out before I finally started to breath a little normally and thought I might be able to talk. I pulled back and said, "Kelly, I will wait for you." I said it matter of factly, like it was a simple thing to say, even though my voice still sounded strange to me. "We'll talk when we can, and a couple years from now maybe we can be together again, at college."

Kelly had her head against my chest, and stroked my arm. Her voice was doing the same thing mine was. "Ani, most of the money you got for scholarships is for in-state schools. What if I get the same kind of scholarships? It might be four years before we could be close to each other. I can't date anyway, but you might waste years of your life waiting for me, just hoping we're still right for each other."