Keep Going

A visit from Carlos

The door opens and I get a fright.

Then I see my husband peek his head behind the door, an embarrassed look on his face.
"I get if you're uncomfortable with-"

I shake my head. Yes it's going to be strange sleeping in the same bed with someone you can't remember but I need some company.

An adorable grin fills the guy's face and it makes me wonder why I wanted to divorce him.

That's not the question I'm going to ask before we sleep.
I wait until Devon enters the bed before I attempt something I've not done in ages-smile.

It seems to work as I get one back.
"May I..." my fingers make circles on the mattress, "ask you a question?"
Devon switches off the main lights  before  flickering on the bedside lamp. "Go ahead."

I hesitate, caught out by his willingness to listen.
"Who was I...as a player?"
This definitely takes him back. "In general?"
Nodding, I see Devon frown.
"I don't know..." he sighs, "I'm not a soccer fan. But you were something. Are something."

I nod while I continue to trace circles even though the information I've been given is zilch help.
I see Devon now on his phone. "Listen...I could contact Alex or Carli...they'd be more than willing to speak to you."
Once again, I nod, despite having no idea who these people are.

Well...I do. But I don't.

We say our Goodnights before turning off the lamp and going to sleep.

I'm woken up, by someone moving and the space next to me is empty.
Just as I'm sitting up, I see my husband reappear, a surprised look on his face.
"Oh, you're up. I was gonna leave a note because I thought you'd sleep more."

Looking to the clock, I see it's half six.  Stifling a yawn, I ask, "Where you going?"
Devon seems guilty. "I've got to go to training."
He gestures to his kit. "I play ice hockey for Pittsburgh Penguins. I've got a match tomorrow."

"I already knew that." I decide to tell him, "That you play ice hockey."
Devon smirks. "What else do you know?"
"I filed for divorce."

His face goes pale and for a moment, regret seeps through me.
He mumbles "Carli's visiting you later on."
Then he's gone.

I walk out onto the land way, hearing movement in another room.
For a moment, I frown before I remember that I have kids.

Just on cue, the door opens and I see the girl, or rather Daniella I should refer her as, peeking out.
For some reason, I give a smile. Maybe I'm trying to reassure the kid I've not went psycho.
Although I can't really reassure myself that either.

"You need help?"
Daniella appears taken back, yep she definitely thinks I'm a psycho.
"Uh..." her voice is delicate, showing her young years, "I was just going to get breakfast."
"Well I'll make it for you," I'm trying to be helpful, it's the least I could do after I've robbed the girl of the mother she used to now, "what do you have?"

Daniella seems even more shocked, this time her mouth is barley moving and the words that come out are barley functioning.
"A toast...or cereal bar."
That really doesn't sound that healthy.Especially for a growing kid.
"Don't you want something else?"
I realise I'm being quite overbearing so suddenly so I put on another smile saying, "Although if you just want toast, I'll get you that."

Daniella nods. "I'll just take a cereal bar, thank you."
So a cereal bar it is.
She eats that, changes into her outfit for today, brushes her teeth and watches telly.
The bus arrives at around half seven, the sound of the tires screeching at a stop not far from our house, ringing in my ear.

I don't spend much of the day doing anything. I should. I should be recovering, trying to trigger any memories but no matter what I stare at, the result is the same:
A blank brain.

Then at around noon, the doorbell rings.
I cautiously walk towards the door, scared and annoyed I'm expecting someone.
I'm hoping it's Devon but on his note, he says he'll be home at around eight.
So who's at the door?

I swing it open, having been taught the previous day how to lock and unlock it.
In my sight, stands a woman, taller than me, with brown eyes and tanned skin.
For a moment, she stares back before smiling at me.
"I know you don't recognise me," I'm surprised by how quiet her voice is, "but I've been your teammate for fourteen years."

I blink, surprised by the longitivtiy we've known each other for.
"Um, so you are...?"
"Carli. Carli Lloyd."
My eyes widen. "Ooh.." I mutter to myself, "you were on what people search for."
It seems like that was heard as Carli chuckles.
Then I realise how rude I am.
"Oh come in! Sorry, I'm still confused."

A sad look is on her face before it's quickly replaced by a polite smile.
"I hope this isn't bad timing." She tells me.
I rubbish that. "Oh no, no. Quite the opposite. I'm bored."
Another laugh. Then Carli sits down at the table and I sit after her, although I don't know whether it supposed the other way round with the host and guest.

"I've been told," she starts, "that you want to know more about what you are on the National team."
Hearing my request makes me sound like such a spoilt kid so I blush.
"Don't worry!" Carli assures me, "Everything's gonna be fine!"

I ponder about whether that was polite and genuine and while that happens, Carli lifts a heavy looking laptop out from her bag.
I only notice it when I'm snapped out my thoughts, hearing a loud THUD!
"What's this?"
Carli giggles. "Well, I'm going to show you all your best moments on the team."

oh