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Daniella's Discussion

"You're divorcing me? On our nine year anniversary?"

Look, that wasn't intentional.

"Look," my arms are folded, voice quiet so the playing kids can't hear, "we both know this can't go on. It's not fair for anyone in this situation."

Now it's Devon's turn for him to fold his arms.
"That's exactly what you said the last time."

I wince at my recycled words, before brushing off the attempt to use something against me.

It's essentially a staring contest between us, a competition to see the first person to break eye contact.

Which is me, upon hearing one of our kids squeal in excitement.

"This isn't fair..." Devon's voice is a lot more quieter, "on them. They've been through so much."

I nod. "I know Devon," I tell him, "that's partially why I'm doing this. It's not fair for our kids to go though this."

I pat my stomach. "Especially as there's another one on the way."

My husband's face pales dramatically as he looks down to the baby growing inside me.
Then the look in his eyes change as his face hardens.

"Get out," he says, "just please, get out this house."

For a moment, I'm taken back, although I then begin to chuck stuff into my bag, slightly surprised by the reaction.

Before I know it, I'm at the door, saying bye to the kids. I try explaining that everything is fine, although my ten year old can see past it.

Now I'm sitting in the car, unsure who to call.

Then I decide to contact the woman who knows the most about this situation.

"Kristine? Hey...yeah I told Devon. Both the news. And he basically told me to get out. Yeah, like out the house. Where am I? Uh, just in my car outside. Go to your house? Ok, I'll do that."

I'm sent details of the address and that David Heavey, Kristine's husband, has given his full approval to me coming over.

I've never met the guy. Well, I have...just don't remember it.

Pulling up, I already see the couple standing on their doorstep, being embraced by the both of them upon arrival.

"Come in! Come in!" I'm told, "This is your home as well."

Kristine sends David to get me some coffee (which I tried to politely reject) and sits me down in the living room.

"Sooo," she starts, "tell me everything. From the start. When you told him about the divorce and baby."

I wince, recalling the recent turn of events.
"I announced my intention to file for divorce first...and Devon wasn't impressed that it was on our ninth anniversary, which wasn't intentional, and said that I was using the same words as the first time I wanted to divorce, which I can't remember."

Kristine nods, taking the information away.
"Did he says anything else? What about the baby?"

I look to my stomach, feeling kicks. "Well that kind of leads onto things. He kept mentioning how this wasn't fair on the kids, especially how they've had to cope with everything over the past year. I pointed out that it made me realise they didn't deserve to be around their parents constantly fighting. When I added that there was another one on the way, he seemed shocked and asked me to leave the house."

A shocked look indicates to me that wasn't how Kristine expected Devon to react. Then she seems thoughtful , eventually mentioning, "I feel more for Daniella to be honest. Matty's only four going five and doesn't really understand things. Daniella is more than old enough to know what's going on."

That makes me feel guilty about my assurances to my preteen.

Kristine seems to read my mind.
"Dani's so sensitive. She's always able to comfort anybody. The mother figure to practically everyone in her family, including both her parents."

I wipe back a tear. "Sorry," I sniff, "I've just recently been able to remember my life not long after my parents death. Having...to take care of my gran and my brother."

Kristine gives me a tissue and rubs my back, telling me, "Ellie, once in a while we have to let our emotions out. We're all human, even if your actions on the pitch don't always suggest that."

I giggle at her compliment before we are interrupted by the landline going off.
"Dave!" Kristine yells, "Go check who that is!"

We hear footsteps and the call being answered.
Yet just seconds later, Kristine's husband appears in the living room, holding the phone out to us.

"It's Daniella."

I'm surprised that my kid is phoning us, then I remember she has her own phone.

I may have had memory loss, but I'm sure I never had anything close to a mobile device at her age.

The couple both look to me, so I stick my hand out to gesture that I will answer.

I: Hey Dani!
D: ...hi mom
I: How did you know I was here honey?
D: You always went here when you and dad fought, even before your memory loss
I: Oh I'm sorry to leave you honey, how's dad?
D: He says that you want to divorce
I: Thats true
D: Oh
I: Oh I'm sorry Dani, I really am, your dad wanted me out the house
D: Why? He never mentioned that
I: I think it's because...I'm having another kid
D: Are you going to keep it?
I: ...what do you think I should do?
D: It's your body mom, your choice, I mean I'd love a sibling but...
I: What is it?
D: You need help. Both you and dad. And I just hate that...(sharp intake) I can't help you both.
I: Oh Dani! Don't cry! And don't be silly! We're your parents and we're supposed to help you . Excuse me for the language but I seem to be a shit parent don't I?
D: No...but dad can be a bit of a shit parent
I: How? I thought he was always good to you and Matty
D: He is...when he's around that is. Dad's never really been here. I know he's playing hockey but when he's at home, he's either on a trip with his friends or he's got them around and they're all drinking. Dad doesn't spend much time with us.
I: Where am I?
D: Before, you were in Spain or away with the USWNT. Then you were in a coma, and he was worse. Dad wouldn't come home for weeks.
I: What?! Did no one check on you guys?
D: We didn't really have anyone. But the schedule doesn't change mom. I'm always looking after Matty, I promise.

It makes me sick how much pressure this kid has been under.

D: I just want to say...mom, when you get divorced, who do we choose?
I: What do you mean?
D: (deep breath) Fine, I'll say it, me and Matty don't want to live with dad. Like, by ourselves.
I: So you want me to take full custody of you guys? Don't you want to visit him?
D: The last time you filed for divorce, during the process, dad was supposed to come over and visit us, but he never showed up.
I: Daniella, I was in Spain, who was looking after you two?
D: Auntie Kristine, Auntie Alex, Auntie Carli, Auntie Tobin and the rest of the aunties that you've played with

I look to Kristine with tears in my eyes.

I: Oh Dani, I'm sorry your dad was never around
D: It's ok mom, I had the USWNT. You said they're always my family.

I can barley see Kristine now, my vision blurred with tears.

"That's right honey. And they always will be."