Sucks to Suck (Spider-Man/X-Men Females X Male Reader)

An Unlikely Alliance

"Hey buddy, you look like a nerd and I need help. You see, I went from blowing up the building to this huge crime lord one night and now I'm robbing a bank just because I can, right after leading a bunch of cop cars on a cross city chase to get them all stuck to a giant web I made in the Bowery. Does that mean I went from chaotic neutral to neutral evil? Or was I always an asshole because I originally just wanted to steal shit from the crime lord? Also, have you ever noticed that all three words in 'cross city chase' start with the letter c and also make three different sounds? Truly an enigma, the English language is." I said as I gathered up my money. I looked at the bank teller that I had webbed to the wall. "HEY BUDDY I'M TALKING TO YOU!" I shouted at him. Then I remembered that I had webbed his mouth shut. "Oh yeah. I forgot about that." I muttered. "Look man, I'm sorry I'm being kinda a dick, really. I just have a lot of pent up anger over this girl and some assholes that wanna use me to stop my people from getting what we deserve, which is world domination, and speaking of I have to help cause said world domination, and I just really needed this to calm my nerves, y'know?" I said. The guy just stared at me. "You know what? You're a good listener. Listen, I don't really need the cash, just an excuse to beat up those unconscious security guards. So, here's what I'm gonna do, the cops'll be here any minute because I'm sure you set off some dumb silent alarm. So what I'm gonna do is leave the money up here-" I climbed the walls and moved a ceiling tile before placing my bag of money in it. "And I'm gonna bail. And when the cops show up and ask where you think I went with the money, you're gonna say you have no idea, and then when everyone's gone you're going to take the bag for yourself. Kay?" I said walking over to him and pinching his cheek. "You are just delightful." I told him before making my exit out the back. "Alright, well that was fun but I still have a Night Club to rob, a subway station to barricade off with ///// webs and why am I doing that thing I do when I'm in-" I said before looking behind me and seeing a big energy beam coming at me which I jumped out of the way of and onto a wall at the last second. "...Danger." I looked up at the hero who wore red and blue that attacked me the other day. "I'm getting some serious deja vu. You gonna just repeat the same old moves or are we gonna mix it up this time?"

"Don't you ever shut up?" ////////She asked before shooting more energy blasts at me. I jumped up off the wall and shot two webs onto her boobs before pulling myself forward and drop kicking her in the chest. I landed on my feet and she hit the ground hard once before rolling and sticking her feet into the ground. I ran towards her as she shot more energy blasts at me, which I responded to by dodging them and webbing a public mailbox and throwing it at her, which she punched a hole through. She threw it down and was hit with another drop kick by me, but she grabbed my legs and proceeded to spin me around. "WOAH WOAH HEY HEY HEY RELAX-" I said before she threw me full force through a fucking building. "Ow! My fucking back!" I shouted on the floor of what must of been some stupid 9-5 job with cubicles and computers as I had smashed about 6 with my landing. I was lifted off the ground by the dumb bitch.

"Ready to give up?" She asked. I took the opportunity to punch her in the throat and then pull the helmet off of her to hit her in the face. She dropped me and fell backwards into the floor.

"I think that answers that!" I said. She got up holding the side of her head and uhhh, not gonna lie, she was pretty hot under the helmet. "Wow. Why do you wear that? If you just went around fighting crime with a face like that I wouldn't know whether/////// to open fire or open my pa-" I began to say before she lunged forward and grabbed me by the throat and flew through a window, causing my back to crash into the glass.

"Shut up already!"

"Make... me..."

"Alright, fine. Any last words?"

"...Harder..."

"What!?"

"Choke me... har-"

"Gross!" She shouted before throwing me into a taxi on the street below. I caved in the roof. The streets began to panic with people scattering in all different directions.