cupid ⠀song mingi

seventeen

"can you do me a favor?" mingi asked me, i smiled and raised my eyebrows and he lowly said "can you have me and kyunghee alone together on valentine's?"

i messed my hair as i walk inside the gymnasium, "where the hell is jiwoo?" i complained by myself, recalling that jiwoo said she would be my valentine's date for today. but she hasn't showed up yet.

there were a lot of things going on in the gymnasium and that includes some creative booths and whatever else they have. i turned to look at the line of students somewhere, it was really crowded, and i thought that if i didn't see jiwoo here, i'd just leave and roam around the school like a ghost.

that's when i saw mingi and kyunghee together, out of all the people i could have seen. my mood practically fell down as i looked at them, and then realizing again that i'm supposed to be this kind of character, having to see them clearly in a crowd and have my heart break. it must be a special talent?

or maybe it's just mingi i keep seeing. because from a mile away, i can still see how good-looking he is, and how wholesome he is. and it just hurts my pride to keep being their cupid.

mingi laughed at whatever kyunghee said, and so did she. and they kept joking around, i looked around to see if anyone was watching me, and i saw wooyoung looking at me seriously. i looked at him and sighed, i'm proud that mingi is happy, and so is wooyoung. we're in the same boat.

it might sound childish to make excuses, but i'm only leaving the gymnasium because i couldn't find jiwoo, but for real, that's just part of my reasons. the biggest reason why i'm leaving is because i might cry my ass off.

i walked in the school grounds alone, i thought wooyoung and i had telepathy but it seems that he didn't get the message that i wanted to be with someone today. and since all my friends are busy being with their valentines, i'm all alone here. and i looked more pathetic since the school speakers were booming love songs.

maybe i was too delusional last night to think that mingi would actually spend time with me instead of kyunghee, but i was wrong. but i only had this idea because he kept giving me false hope.

"you're stupid, hyerin.." i mumbled to myself though i might look like a crazy person. i looked up from my feet to my side because i felt like someone was looking at me.

and i can see mingi walking towards me.

pit-pat.

the first words that i thought were: why is he playing with my feelings like this? and i wanted to run away and cry, but i'm taking my chances. he has a candy on his hand and it's the one that's more expensive than the one he bought for kyunghee. but since i promised myself not to expect stupid things from mingi, i'm not assuming that the lollipop is for me.

"hey!" mingi greeted, waving his hand in the air. i kept my lowkey emo face and just looked at him, he raised one brow, "heeey?" he greeted again. and i just realized that i didn't greet back, so to keep my i'm-unbothered-that-you're-inlove-with-kyunghee reputation, i pushed a smile – and greeted him, "hey, mingi."

he stood in front of me and i just appreciated how tall he is since i'm looking at him with my head slightly raised. "you thought i'd forget about you?" he asked, then handed over the big lollipop. what does he mean by that?

i kept my glance at the lollipop as i took it, there are many things going on in my head right now. and i just can't help but think that.. maybe.. just maybe.. mingi had learned to like me more than kyunghee?

"what's this?" i asked, to clear some confusing thoughts in my head. and he answered casually, "a heart lollipop, it means i love you." he answered, "it's my thank you present." he told me.

if he's acting like he doesn't like me when he actually does (like in the movies), then he's doing a great fucking job at it! i'm so confused. but if he says 'i love you as a friend!' then i'm throwing this candy to the ground. i'm so mad at him for playing with my feelings like this.

"as a friend?" i asked, chuckling bitterly, but i didn't intend to do that, i just did because i was so done with him. but i don't want him to know. he shook his head and smiled, and my hopes went to space for a split second.

"as a best friend." he answered.

ouch.

my heart fucking broke and i think i felt it physically, it broke to a million damn pieces. fuck me for clowning myself, i didn't even expect my feelings to be like this when i signed up for this cupid shit.

i blinked twice and pushed a chuckle, "oh.." i finally spoke after a few seconds of silence, the usual response would be me giving him back the lollipop, saying 'and this is my thank you present for you' but i thought that that would be weird. since the lollipop means you love the person you're giving it to.

i'm devastated of the fact that while he loves me as a friend, i freaking love him as him. as mingi. as his annoying clown ass.

i looked up at mingi and he was smiling at me. i wish he could read my mind so he would know how much i appreciate his presence, but for the nth time, he can't. so for now, i'm just admiring how perfect he looks.

the speakers changed their song to taeyeon's all about you ; you know, that song from hotel del luna, when there's a really good drama moment. i only either want to slap or kiss him right now, but both wasn't an option, i'm only left with having to stare at him.

and.. i don't know how many seconds passed since mingi and i have been looking at each other now. all i know is that i passively smiled back at him, wanting to scream something that i will never be able to do;

'i'm in fucking love with you!'

it hurts to admit it but i think i've fallen deep now. even though i already know that the feeling is never going to be mutual.