Betray Me Softly

2: The Other Side of Life

-I had to pay for your mistakes-

Lina

I got the money. Now there were just empty streets and thoughts as I had the taxi drive me to one of the cheapest motels in the city. Resting my head against the cold car window, I couldn't help but constantly wipe away the huge tears flowing down my cheeks. It was hurting. It was hurting so excruciatingly that I could feel my emotions get overwhelmed by the emergence of a throbbing headache. 

Mehdi...how could he have done this to me? How could he act so cowardly and not confess that he no longer cared for me? 

In the blink of an eye, I had lost so many things; my man...my daughter...my pride...this nightmare almost felt unreal and unbelievable.

Feeling so defeated in love, I weakly rubbed away my tears with my sleeves and just stared out the window.  It hurt so much to accept reality...destroyed me to think that I couldn't stop my husband from torturing me. 

The wedding laughs...the celebrations...they kept echoing in my mind. He was in love. He was in love with another girl, and he had me watch. He had made me stay while the world celebrated my humiliation; those judgemental stares...those sympathetic looks pitying me for being the first wife...they were forever going to be my shame.

I felt devastated.

The view before me seemed like a simple blur. 

Trying to push back my heavy emotions, I began chewing on my thumbnails. My agony made me wish that no other girl ever had to go through this. I hoped no one had their loved ones ever turning their backs towards them. I had begged Mehdi...pleaded, but he didn't listen. He didn't bother about breaking my heart. Even his mother...whom I adored so much...didn't listen to my pleas.

All I had wanted were reasons, mercy...to have him keep my pain soft, but he didn't. 

Once, I used to sympathize with those cheated wives who had to look the other way while their husbands chose other women, yet now, I was one of them. My perfect fairytale...the picture-perfect fantasy had ended and left me completely abandoned. I had nowhere to go, no love, no dreams.. because I had chosen to trust the man who had promised to love me forever. 

The thought of him now loving Neha, adoring her, spending my love on her crushed me. Feri. Would she spend my love on her, too? If I wasn't able to get her back, would she move on? She was still a baby, and very soon, her memories of me would perish. 

Would she forget how much I adored her...how much I loved her? 

Would she ever forgive her mama? 

The memories of my daughter's sweet laughs and giggles devastated me. I don't think I was ever going to be able to afford her. My parents weren't rich and might chastise me for choosing Mehdi when they had told me not to, so  I couldn't borrow money from them...had no properties. 

I had no idea how I was going to earn my daughter back.

Soon, my silent tears started feeling so empty and agonizing. The looming night sky took me back to the memories of loving Mehdi and having him smile so sincerely and intensely at me. He would make me laugh, and fret if I even got a single paper cut...our morning sessions would be full of laughter, with him playing with Feri and playfully helping me cook breakfast. He would be goofy enough to make Feri laugh, charming enough to make me feel so blessed and special. 

He would hold my hand and promise me forever.

'I would never stop adoring you.' That was one of his promises. 

Now, it tortured me to think he would be all that for another girl. He would make her smile, and laugh and be an adoring husband to her. My lost moments would be given to her...it hurt me how I would be completely replaced and forgotten by him.