-There was unknown sweetness in your crass ways-
Lina
Depression hits you the strongest, on strangest points. It had been hitting hard. Since the moment, I got into the car with Kivanc, there were weird emotions weighing on my heart. His constant attempts at making me want to loosen up, and then when he asked for a chance, my emotions ...they got overwhelmed. I don't know why I cried, but I just didn't feel good. My mental health was deteriorating.
I was mad at Kivanc, super mad at him; irritated that he had messed up this fun trip for me, too, but crying out of this frustration had me worried. Anxiety had hit me hard. I was mostly a reasonable person, but the intensity of my temper and irritation that I had felt almost had me feeling weak and shameful after its effect died down. Feri, my daughter, deserved for me to ask strongly, and not act like this broken person. But can one really heal from mental issues?
The strange anxiety hit me, and I no longer felt like facing people. When Kivanc stopped the car at Bhera, I was feeling too nervous to step out.
What the heck!
"Lina, Feri...let's go..." Kivanc now got off the car. He eyed me for a second, as he waited for me to listen, and then something clicked in his expression.
"Lina, do you want me to get lunch packed for you guys?"
"No, "I quickly shook my head, not meeting his gaze. "I am coming."
Getting out of the car, I helped a sleepy Feri out of her seat and held her hand.
"Come on..." Holding her made me feel comfortable, yet I still felt so weak.
Kivanc jogged to join us on the other side of the car. He was tightening his bandana, using one hand to cover his face from the sun. I don't know why, but his tall height soothed my heart in some manner. It felt so ironic to feel these emotions, especially once when he used to make me feel so terrified.
"Let's go..." He began leading Feri and me to a Desi village restaurant. There were so many people here, buses around, that I decided to stay near Kivanc. Somehow, walking behind him was helping my nerves. Despite my anger, I was really feeling supported by his powerful stance walking before me. It was making me feel hidden.
This had been the strongest fit of anxiety I had ever faced. I was feeling so overwhelmed with it. Out of nowhere, I had started feeling so teary, emotional and nervous. I was almost about to trip over my own feet when out of instinct, I moved closer and grabbed Kivanc's hand. He looked so shocked, astonished by this behaviour, but I simply ignored his look. My heartbeat had grown so fast. My hand...it felt so tiny in Kivanc's grip.
Feri was playing with my bracelet now.
"So what do you want to eat?" he spoke, holding my hand in a firm grip as I nervously walked beside him into the restaurant. I needed something to calm my nerves down.
"Umm...a cup of ginger green tea and a burger while Feri will have the kid's meal," I spoke.
"So you are talking to me now? Not that I mind you crushing my hand," he joked as we stepped inside the huge red-carpeted restaurant with lavish chandeliers hanging from its ceilings, round tables covered by a white cloth, placed in different corners. Families were occupying most of the tables. And I could see the manager standing around, looking a bit intimidated by Kivanc's presence.
"Uff...'' About to let go of his hand, my eyes widened as he lightly caressed my knuckles and turned his face towards me.
"I am glad to see you no longer avoiding me." He sounded so earnest, his intense eyes peering so deep into mine, catching me off guard.
YOU ARE READING
Betray Me Softly
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