Betray Me Softly

8: Let's Play A Game

-Some laughs can be morphed into an extreme form of humiliation-

Lina

Neha died. 

She died. The woman who I had despised so much for breaking my house, whom I had envied for holding Mehdi's attention...she was out of our lives. Yet, her departure had left behind so many other wounds. There was just so much reality. Things had changed so much. My life no longer roamed around my husband's betrayal...it was more focused on the pain of regret, miseries and cowardly silences. 

Thinking about Neha now only pained me. Her demise had, indeed, been a shocker. I couldn't actually believe that she was gone. But, that chapter had truly ended. Once I had thought my broken home was the only pain in my life...there had been so many ugly realities that I hadn't been aware of...so many dark secrets and realities. 

I was been so blissfully ignorant

Her death was ruled as an accident, but Mehdi and I knew that it hadn't been. He was wailing, crying with the fear of being next with so many worries. His pain had truly damaged my heart, but there was nothing I could do now. My ex-husband, my world, he could no longer have me to support him because we both had been so weak for our love. We hadn't been able to fight for it, and now...like defeated wanders, we were to breathe and ache while being away from each it. It was torturous; our punishment for being so arrogant about our love.

After visiting the hospital, I headed back to the motel. 

The feeling of loss and loneliness...it was going to be my punishment...our punishment for making too many choices all our own. There were no going backs now...no nothing. 

Out on the streets, I felt like my whole world had toppled over again. The shock of everything that had happened almost had me in denial. I almost felt abused and bruised by the pain and shock. So much had happened...such a beautiful story...and what a tragic end it had received.

Mehdi...my Feri...the lies and secrets had been so heavy.

The pain...the misery...there were so many what-ifs. I shouldn't have thought the worst of Mehdi, and he shouldn't have let his fears ruin our bond. The misery of not being solely a victim in this scenario tortured me. Now, I had to carry the weight of not listening hard enough. I had always been so cynical...so negative in life that I had allowed my heart to never even be able to realize that not everything was solely black and white. 

This world had so many colours and layers. 

Why didn't I notice them?

Neha...her face wouldn't leave my mind. She had looked so wonderful on her wedding...so full of life and happiness. Her reality was such an eye-opener...enough to shove so many guilty and mixed emotions in my heart. A year ago...I had thought of her as shaming my role...believed that this woman was after my world, had taken away the most precious partner from my life. I had wanted her to feel my pain, learn how much it hurts to have a loved one turn his back on us, but I had never wished for her to become a victim of a dangerous crime. I had never wished for this to happen.

Hugging my soul, as  I had a taxi drive me towards my motel, there were just too many thoughts torturing me...tears flowing down my cheek as I wondered about my pain..her pain...our pain. 

I had realized that she wasn't really a bad person. If I hadn't accused her of having Mehdi fall for her, I would have only seen her as a timid and sweet person who adored my daughter. But now, there was so much more to her truth. I had understood the reason behind her timidness...her desperation for kindness. 

She was tortured and literally ruined. It saddened me to think about how her life would have been while being sold to some dangerous people...how they would have tortured her. I heard gangs mostly kept their slaves in some small cages and fed them only morsels. Is that why she always looked so famished? My Mehdi...was he finally a source of light in her life? It pained me to think that it had been my husband who was her hero. But still, she had been forced into marrying someone who was already in love. My heart bled over how cruel some people could be.