Betray Me Softly

9: The Apology

-Let's discover true emotions again-

Lina

Sometimes intense emotions and misery are followed by some soft moments. Life....just in a year, I had seen my fantasy...my home...twist into a completely barren place. The lies...the secrets...they had been so many, and I had been busy shielding myself from reality. 

The truth was that I had never really faced reality. This was real-these were emotions that I had never got to know. My heart...my soul...they were bleeding. I had been a dutiful wife, had a sweet husband and an adorable child...and I had never realized how naive and dull I had been. The epiphany had made me break.

Despite realizing that this experience had made me feel so aware, remembering the emotions when I saw Mehdi getting married to Neha and making a public mockery out of me, it was still something that my childish heart bled over the most.  There were so many more urgent worries in the world that I had realized and accepted that discovery...yet, for me, seeing my husband wrong my heart had been a major wake-up call. That naive dream of being a princess...having a happy ending with a prince, I had lost it forever. My husband...the image of him in my mind...it was never going to be the same. I was never going to be that same person again. He took that piece of my soul away from me. 

His wrong choices...they had been the start of my fall. So lost in a fantasy that I truly had been lost. I had failed to see that my husband could make mistakes. I had failed to see that life offered both roses and storms. 

More devastation was hidden in the fact that this damage had been permanent. Mehdi...and I...our happy family. We were never going to get together again simply because of lies and fears.

There were so many regrets and what-ifs. 

The secrets had cost us so much. 

It tortured me to think that Isaam and I...we were never going to watch Feri grow old together. We were never going to have breakfast together in the morning and share smiles over Zeba stopping us from going out late at night. We were never going to laugh...smile...and be there for each other. Time would make us move on...and soon, the memories of our beautiful moments would be gone. 

What a loss, indeed. 

A perfect fairytale had been ended, yet there had been no happily ever after offered. 

No matter whose fault it was...the fact was that Isaam and I...our chapter was no more. 

Now numbly sitting on my bed curled up, I stared up at the ceiling with tears leaking from my eyes, voice mute...throat aching...and head pounding over so many thoughts, reasons and realizations. Naivety had been a gift. 

To learn the truth...it had been so hard. 

There were also those bittersweet memories taunting me. Mehdi and I...our college days. He used to blush in my presence, stutter when his friends used to tease him. Our hearts were so young, fresh and so blossomed with giddy feelings. Yet, naively, both of us had been so unaware of how truly brutally our fantasy would break. We weren't ready. My parents had seen that.

The thought of Mehdi now being in so much danger terrified my heart into hiding. I was so worried about him. His answers and explanation still made me feel he wasn't telling me the whole truth. Something was missing. His story just wasn't connecting. The shock of me and Feri being the price...it had also been so huge. I had asked Mehdi if it was okay for me to live alone...and he had assured me that those dangerous I was completely safe...and Feri wasn't going to be harmed. Yet, I wanted to know how he was so sure. 

 A sense of paranoia even made me feel like I was being followed, but Mehdi had told me that Neha's death had been used to send a warning for him to get more serious. Now, they were making him take part in even more serious deals. Only if he left them would cause them to harm his family.