Vampire Knight Lustful Dreams. Mature (#Wattys 2019)

Chapter 65 time

The night proceeds on, and I make some dinner, hoping she will at least eat something. I don't know what will come from this. Will it help her get over him or just make her worse? At the moment it looks worse. She is so hurt, so down, seeing him again just made her want him more. Its been hours and she hasn't said a word to me. She just stays in my bed wrapped up.

I head upstairs to see if she will maybe eat something. I keep remembering what the old man said, that I look just like him, sound just like him. That could be hurting her more. I just see it in a different way, I am not going to let him looking like him stand in the way, but help us get closer. She is so in love with him, so in love with his, eyes, his hair, his body. Well Hell, I have the same, I just don't act fully like him, and I don't want to. I see things differently than him. But if all those other things attracted her to him, it should help me the same.

"Alexa sweety, you been up here all day, would you like some food? I made some pasta for us. I was hoping you would come down and have some." Ichiru asks.

I just nod to him, I know he is trying. He is there for me, it means a lot. I am just going through so much inside. To be able to hold him, again, talk to him be with him, and then it taken away again, hurt so much. I know I have to let go, I have no choice in the matter. I can't live the rest of my life like this. I am slowly slipping away, from everything else I once cared for. This isn't me, I am stronger than this. Just at the moment, I feel so weak, so lost in myself.

I get up and go downstairs with Ichiru, I sit at the island and pick at the food he prepared for us. I look up at him, and can't help but smile, his long greyish hair covering his eyes. Zero is right, he is still here, just in different ways.

"Are you ok?" Ichiru asks.

"No, But I will be. I just need time to really let go. To see him again, was harder than I thought. I didn't want to let go. I didn't want to leave him." I admit.

"I figured you felt that way, I just couldn't let you give up your life for him. There is so much here for you Alexa. Even if you don't want me, there are the twins and your girls. They need you, and if I am honest So do I." Ichiru confesses.

"I know, Thank you for being here. For not giving up. I just need to clear my mind, and get myself together." I say.

"That's fine, I think you should stay here for a few days to get yourself back. I have a sitter for the twins and I will check in on them. You can't take care of anyone else if yourself isn't fixed first." Ichiru replies.

"That would be nice thank you," I respond.

He was right I was in no state to take care of anyone. I needed healing, I needed Peace, most of all I needed to let go of some of this love I have for Zero. Loving him this deeply is only tearing me apart.

I go upstairs, after Ichiru cleans up the kitchen, to lay in the bed. He follows not sure wheater to come in his room or not.

"You can come in, it is your room, we have slept in the same bed before. To know your there makes me feel at peace. I hate sleeping in an empty bed." I say.

"I just wanted to make sure you were ok with it. I know today was a lot for you to handle." Ichiru answers.

"It's fine, It is hard to be able to be with the one you crave so badly and it just disappears," I answer.

"Is it the same in a dream state? Can you feel him and see him the same?" Ichiru asks.

"Yes, its as if he is right here, to hold, to touch. It's incredible. You don't know what you want to do first, you keep touching just to make sure it's real." I reply.

"Is he ok?" Ichiru asks.

"Yes, he is ok, he looks the same. It just hurts me to know he isn't in either world anymore. Maybe I shouldn't have wanted him this badly to take him here. Maybe I should have let him stay with her?" I remark.

"Don't think that way, you gave him everything, he had nothing there, none of us did. You made him be a real person and gave him all your love." Ichiru says.

"I just always hoped that was enough," I answer.

"It was, I know for me, I couldn't ask for anything more," Ichiru admits.

I just smile at him, not sure what else to say. The way he looks at me, the way he talks to me, I wanted this always. Just from someone else. Than maybe Zero was right, I get it all rolled up into one. I had you, I loved you, I need to move on. I need to let myself be free of all the pain of the past. I need so many things.