Me Before you {Peter Hale}

XXIV

You are useless.

Peter's word repeated themselves over and over again in my head while I was heading to my flat. This morning, he freed me with a stern expression from the silver chains. It did not need a lot of brain cells to figure out that he was mad. What have I done to anger him?
He practically dragged me out of his property with his tight, merciless grip. This surely will leave bruises, I thought after throwing a short glance at my already red wrist.
I could not break free, since I was a) way too confused to fully understand what was happening and b) because he simply was strong like an ox. 
" Get out, I don't need you any more. " Was the only explanation I received before the door closed right in front of my nose. A question mark most likely above my head.

What ? 

What?

Did he just throw me away like rubbish? 

" Ways to treat a lady, Peter", I grumbled angered before turning around and leaving this place.
Rage boiled in every ounce of my veins as I walked down the bannister. With every step between us, the rage altered into sadness.
No chance in hell will I beg for this jackass. Apparently, he indeed only used me to reach his dreams. Ouch, that hurt even though my stupid self already stated it yesterday — or this morning, since there was no watch in the bunker. At least, I acted all though not making an utter fool out of me.

Yeah, I was desperate, but even I had limits which now reached their peak.

The sun shone brightly today, most likely mocking me for my stupidity. I should be happy to get off the hook without severe damage. Every normal person would be glad to escape this dangerous psycho.

You are too cruel.

I was such a mess. Today was Sunday, work started tomorrow which left me — hopefully — enough time to get myself together and just shove every though of Peter in the bin. For a second, I considered throwing him in there as well, though I discarded the thought quickly after realizing how awkward it had to be to see him after this "break-up".
How about ranting on Facebook to vent my anger? I also got rid of this thought. Seriously, am I five years old?
Just bottle the feeling up like every normally functional adult would. I sighed, this rejection did hurt like a million tiny needles. There were literally millions — no, milliards of people in this world, most of them nice. So why almighty, higher force had I fall for Peter Hale?

My life surly seemed to attract all kinds of misery, huh. At this point I was convinced I had enough composure on the outside to not attract any sort of unwanted attention from outsiders, however on the inside my heart writhed like a pathetic worm searching for moist mud to hide in. There was no mud, the worm was exposed to a scorching sun in a parched desert.
It killed him.
Just like my heart killed me.

All I now wanted to do was to ball my eyes out while lying on my couch and watching crappy TV-shows. It indeed sucked to love someone so much that you are even willing to give them more and more chances despite the fact that they destroyed you every time a little more.
The moment he hugged me, he kissed me, he pinned me to the bed before undressing me, all of those now contributed to my agony.
" How long do I have to continue walking? I just want to fucking collapse", I mumbled to myself exhausted.

Life at this point was just too tiresome. I needed to rest from all of this, only if it were a few hours. To my joyful fate, I forgot the keys at Peter's place and had to call the caretaker to open my door. To be fair, it was not my fault this time, he dragged me out of the flat, not the other way around. At least, he did not say anything and just did as I asked him to do. His gloomy expression hinted me enough to know how much fury this incident caused him.
" I'm sorry " the door immediately shut behind me giving him no time to reply. My knees simultaneously collapsed. A sharp pain lanced through my body.

Intellectuals most likely referred to my state as: Fanaa. Self-destruction through love.
I, on the other hand, called this condition simply dying.

Dying because the bright colours of my life started to fade and everything became dull yet again. Thankfully, I blacked out a few seconds after hitting the wooden ground. The next thing I remembered was numbering darkness which unravelled to an emotionless sleep.

After what felt like some minutes, I woke up at the exact same spot I had lost consciousness.
Was It pathetic to have hoped that, although he had just treated me like useless scum, I wanted him to come back and apologize.
Wake up, Ava, this is not wonderland where you get everything you strive for.
I sighed as I shakingly stumbled to the bathroom. If I wanted to go to work tomorrow, I would need to calm down and drown my feelings in my white porcelain tub.
After a couple of seconds I abandoned my clothes — among other things Peter's white V-Neck — on the other side of the room.
If this disturbed woman decides to infiltrate my mind, then so shall it be. I was unable to continue on struggling any ways.

The warm water comforted me, allowed me to relax with as much peace as my mind possibly could find. Somewhere inside me, Peter's word kept on echoing.
Useless. Useless. Useless.
My whole body cramped horribly. Forget it, forget it, forget it, I silently begged. I don't want to hear this any more.

" Please stop. " Sometimes I wished I stopped thinking. Stopped feeling, stopped existing.

Sadly, the bath did not have the desirable results. Eventually, it worsened my state even more.
So I just crawled to my bed and wrapped myself in a comfortable blanket to just endure everything as strongly as possible. My head buried in the pillows, while a load of tears emerged and soaked it. The water drops eventually started to pain my eyes in addition.
What a horrible Sunday to spend after a forced weak of holiday.

- Okay, four chapter to go. It is currently 00:27. Niam.