What Happened To Me

4: The Day Shame Was Born.

I remember the day of the Christmas concert. I had never been able to go before, always busy with family gatherings or vacations. But this year I was going. 

I remember getting all dressed up in tights and a long dress-shirt... My mom did my hair, putting many flowers in it... I remember that little-girl feeling of being a princess... It's a feeling that I guess never really goes away for many girls…

I remember walking to my class, entering the room... Emma had puked in the hallway I think... I stepped into the class, and my teacher was right by the door getting everybody lined up to go. She glanced at me, kind of rolled her eyes, and said 'you look ridiculous'. 

The joy left… That magical feeling was gone. I felt ridiculous, like someone who shouldn't have bothered getting dressed up, like I was wearing mismatched clothes or something. I remember two of my friends trying to comfort me, tell me it wasn't true, but I withdrew... 

Since then, I still enjoy getting dressed up sometimes, but the joy is always ruined by this voice in my head, a voice that says; "Who do you think you are? Look at yourself, look at them. You think you're beautiful?! You're ridiculous. You're fake. Quit trying to fit in already, you can't. Everyone knows you're the ugly girl trying to be beautiful. Go back to your jeans and hoodie, then you'll be safe, because then you're being exactly what you're supposed to be: Invisible."

This voice has followed me around so long, I hardly remember life without it. So remember me, next time you even think that way about someone, or next time you hear someone treat another girl or boy like that.

A single instance can change everything...