The Hidden Life of Casper Kade

Entry 6

Entry 6

Think about lying. Stop reading and just think. When you have your answer, continue.

   You probably thought: "I've been taught all my life that lying is wrong but people have always done it to me. I've done it myself but only when I had to. It's still bad and I'll teach my own kids not to do it but I can occasionally."

   If not, I can't imagine what you did think. Maybe that it's just completely okay.

   I, like you (probably), think it's flat out wrong. I used to think it was literally necessary in life. You have to get by with some things and the truth isn't always to best way to do so. You don't want to offend people, so you lie. You don't want to seem rude, so you lie. It's life. Right?

   I've been lied to countless times. Most have been listed throughout this notebook. May, my dad, Lewis, Sadie, my friends and even my mom are among the many who have lied directly to me.

   A few hours ago, I heard my stepdad literally lie to my mom's face. At first, I didn't think he was but then as I thought about it for hours, I realized, he's a lawyer. He lies almost constantly for a living. I don't know. For some reason, I just know he wasn't telling the truth.

   I hope I'm wrong. I hate Lewis but even still, he better not hurt my mom again. She can't handle that. She shouldn't have had to the first time. David did enough damage. I know she isn't over it after 14 years. There's an example of how I lie to even myself: I say I'm over it.

   I guess I'm sensitive. I don't know. Why else would so much bother me like it does? Maybe everyone's like this but we don't know it. Heck, no one knew certain things got to me so much until I wrote it down.

   I just wish people saw things more than they do. Like how every 'joke' or lie directed at someone can be hurtful. Or how even small insults can dig at us.

   I wouldn't have even thought about it before. Then when I met May and Angie, they enlightened me without meaning to.

   Angie said that simply being called 'short' bothered her when she was younger. It made her insecure and desperate to impress people so they'd overlook her size.

   Then May... It was the insults and small jokes that ruined her. She lives her life to impress. I know she hates it but she can't stop now and it's literally tearing her apart.

   After hearing how they were affected, I try to be really careful about what I say. I don't want anyone to go through what I did with everyone believing lies but I haven't explained that yet.

   I guess this rant is pointless. Then, isn't everything I've written pointless? Maybe not though. You wanted my life? Lying's a big part of it. I'm surrounded by it at school and at home and even inside of myself. I'm sick of it but what can I do? Though, like I said, it's completely wrong, it obviously is necessary in life. No one seems to be able to survive without doing it.