The Hidden Life of Casper Kade

Entry 9

Entry 9

 I've seen a lot of examples of how cruel the world is lately:

   I saw a girl pass out and no one care about whether or not she'd be okay. I heard Lewis and my mom scream how much they hate each other. Sadie beat up a girl at school. There are lies being spread through my house, at school and among some of my friends...

   I don't understand why it's all necessary. Even though I hate someone, I still care about whether or not they'll survive. Lewis doesn't have to hurt my mom emotionally. Sadie doesn't have to hurt people physically. All of it's unnecessary.

   May's back at school after a couple weeks and no one's asked if she was okay. People are talking about her the way they talked about me. There is no satisfaction in revenge. So why do people always strive to get back at someone?

   I hate hearing what their saying about her. How did it make her so happy to hear about me? I also hate the way her eyes are constantly red from where she's always crying. How does that satisfy anyone?

  Sadie doesn't feel bad for what she did. At least, she says she doesn't. She thinks the girl deserved it but she won't tell me why...

   Others pain=personal satisfaction apparently. I'm sick of it.

   The endlessly irritating part of it is I can do absolutely nothing about it. Just like I can't save the world financially, I can't save it from deliberate pain.

   I used to not care so much. I've hurt people before, I know it. Some have been on purpose. In first grade, I told a girl she was ugly. I only told her that because she wouldn't share a toy or something dumb like that. She may even still remember that and it gnaws at me to think that it could still bother her. I'm very sorry for what I said, Grace Harper. I didn't mean it.  

  There are other instances in which I've been angry enough to spit out an insult or two. It might have given me satisfaction for a split second but now, each time I remember doing it,  I'm filled with guilt.

   I'm tired of hearing stories about kids (any and every age) getting relentlessly picked on. It's ridiculous.

   The thing is, I can't do a thing about it and I hate it.

   That's all I have to say about it. It's pointless to rant about it when no one's going to change.

 

   "Happy birthday, Casper!"

   He was genuinely shocked to see Ms. Johnston's room decked out in red streamer and a festive cake on her desk. His classmates handed him a slice, obviously intent on dragging out the party through class.

   Ms. Johnston propped her feet on her desk, wiping icing from her lips. The red dye stained her fingers and teeth. "What are you doing for your birthday, Casper?"