Gunpowder and Satin ; BW

3.13

A little over 4,000 words

Contains some sensitive topics and a few triggering words

YOUR POV

"Whatcha thinking?" Natasha asked me as I stepped away from the punching bag.

"About who's side I want to be on." I admitted with a soft sigh, working on my right and left hooks.

Nat held the bag steady for me, "I thought Steve was the obvious choice for you."

I sighed, stepping away from the bag to chug my water, "Yeah, but I see both sides. If I join Steve then I'm fighting for all hero's who just want to be free to use their powers.. If I join Tony I'm acknowledging that we're dangerous and need to be put in check."

"Do you think you're dangerous?" Nat furrowed her eyebrows at me.

I shook my head, "no but-"

"Exactly. You shouldn't be condemned for being who you want to be, and saving peoples lives whilst doing it."

"I don't know, It's just not so straight forward for me."

"What do you mean?"

I licked my lips, tossing the empty bottle of water near my bag, "When I got these powers, I didn't ask for any of this but I took it in stride. Being around you made things easier, but I've known loss my entire life and I didn't want others to feel it. I got these powers to help people and now we just take. These powers have done nothing but take away the things I care about."

"What are you insinuating?"

I punched the bag, "I'm just saying that in the case that I had the option to have these powers taken away, I would seriously consider it. And the government being able to control what I do to reduce the amount of collateral damage doesn't seem like a bad thing. Maybe it's something we all need."

Nat nodded her head, her plump lips forming a thin line, "Maybe you're right. But I can't just let someone else control my actions and what I do. Not again. If I let them use me and pull my strings, then that's saying a big fuck you to the red room. They made me who I was, on Steve's side at least I know that everything I went through isn't in vain."

"I'm going to Vienna to sign the accords." I told her softly.

Natasha let out her own sigh, "If I go with Steve we probably won't be able to see each other anymore. I'll be a criminal."

"Then retire." I shrugged, "You won't be a criminal again. I'll hang up the suit and we can have the life that we dreamed of."

Nat shook her head, "I can't do that. I have red on my ledger and a duty to save people."

"So where do we go from here?" I asked after a beat.

Nat opened and closed her mouth a few times, at loss for words, "I don't know.. I don't want to lose you and I don't want to lose the others."

"You can't have your cake and eat it too, Nat."

"Well, what do you want me to say?! I'll ignore everything I think is right and run off with you?"

I clenched my jaw, "We could do it!"

Nat scoffed, "I don't want to live my life in hiding."

"Well you're going to if you choose Steve's side! You said so yourself that you would be a criminal.

"And by choosing Tony's side you'll be just another pawn to the corrupt government!" The ginger hissed.

"When we go in that room we have to tell them what we're doing. People aren't going to agree with it. But right now, I want to go with the easy option. If we go with the government option we can stay here and be together." I told her, unstrapping my boxing gloves.