Ongoing Cycle

22

The next few days passed by very slowly....at least that was how [Y/N] felt while she spent most of her days laying gloomily in bed. Finally, Monday had arrived at her door and unlike the majority of the students at her school, she was happy to return. Prepared and ready for school, she held onto her backpack and climbed downstairs to grab breakfast. As she was on the first step of the stairs, she heard her mother's voice grumbling to herself. She was already awake and [Y/N] was going to have no choice but to face her. A wave of pain hit her and she had to take a few deep breaths before she could muster the courage to step down to the main level.

     Softly walking towards the kitchen, she then saw the familiar figure of her mother sitting at the table. She had her eyes glued to the laptop screen in front of her as she ate her bagel distractingly. When the eyes flitted up and stared dangerously at [Y/N], the girl slightly flinched and quietly went to grab her own bagel. This tension between them was unlike anything ever before, and it made sense, because [Y/N] had never rebelled her parents as much as she did when she spoke to her cousin.

      Wondering if there could be anything to ever solve this, she suddenly turned to her mother after she plopped her bagel into the toaster. Maybe if she did something to please her mother, she would be less controlling and mean. Maybe her parents could be proud of her for once. "Is there anything I can do for you to forgive me?" she asked the woman. These were the first words she had uttered to the lady since Thanksgiving.

     Without looking back to her, her mother spoke. "Actually, yes. I've been doing some thinking."

     She blinked for a few moments. What could it be? Was it something that could finally satisfy them? "Anything. I'll do anything," she blurted out, the desperation tugging at her heart.

     "Really?" her mother asked. "Then...if that's the case, I want you to find yourself a boyfriend full of reputation and wealth."

     [Y/N] froze in shock and couldn't believe her ears. Unsure of what to do or say, she hesitated and just stood there in the middle of the kitchen like an idiot. That was the last thing she expected to hear and it was the last thing she wanted to hear. Her hands sweaty and nervous, she instead turned her focus to her bagel that was done being toasted. When she whipped around with the plate in her hand, her mother was watching her.

     "You have a problem with that?" the woman asked, her lips curled up in a menacing smile. She was challenging and testing her, to see what her daughter would do.

      Gulping the protests and fears down her throat, she silently shook her head and sat down at the table. Munching on her breakfast as quick as she could, she soon left the house for school.

      She was lost in thought while she pondered at her desk in class. A boyfriend? She didn't want to date anyone yet, especially when she should be focusing on her grades. And one that was wealthy? Was her mother insinuating that she should become a gold digger?

     Her insides twisted in dread. This was morally wrong. It was so, so wrong and she knew she shouldn't do it. But was she going to have to put aside her morals in order to gain her parents' recognition?

      She was going to do it—no, she could never push herself to purposefully hurt someone like that. Back and forth, she changed her mind, over and over. She couldn't seem to make her decision. She was so focused on her problems that her class was over before she realized.

      Pushing herself upwards from her test and stumbling through the aisles, she had accidentally bumped into someone. Opening her mouth to form a quick apology to the person in front of her, she faltered when she saw that it was Miku. Her former friend had the same expression on her face.

     They stared at one another awkwardly until [Y/N] forced herself to do a small bow for politeness. Miku did the same with a tight smile on her face. Then they wordlessly part ways, with [Y/N] leaving the classroom first.

     Warily rubbing her eyes, she sighed as she went towards her next class of the day. She thought things would improve because of school, but it was already worst, if that was even possible. It was as if there were problems piling up upon other problems and now that there was too many, [Y/N] did not know where to start. If she couldn't find solutions to these problems, she was never going to find peace in her life.

     Going into her first hour class, she walked to her desk in a daze.

     The next three classes rushed through like a blur.

     It was now lunchtime. Not in the mood for food or for the judgmental states from other people by looking like a loner, she went to the library instead. Opening the large, brown doors, she entered the large room. Unfortunately, unlike last time, the windows did not radiate of sun anymore, because it was rather cloudy today. She frowned at the lack of sun, but proceeded to go in.

     She immediately went to the bookshelves and she curiously scanned at the different book titles. Gently brushing her finger tips through their edges, she would grab a book and read the summary of any that caught her eye. A lot of books sounded wonderful and she noted in the back of her mind that she'd read them later. It made her wish she had never stopped reading during these past few years.

      Remembering a certain boy she saw in this same library, she gasped. She reminisced his dark, wavy hair hair and the intensity of his blue eyes and smiled. It was her first smile today. She had an idea.