Ongoing Cycle

49

His legs bouncing nonstop against the stool, he gently swirled the tiny glass cup in front of him. His dull eyes were on the golden liquid that splashed around, making fizz and bubbles appear. Lifting the glass up, he threw his head back and took the shot, downing the entire thing in one go. The bitter taste of alcohol burned through his throat, but that was what he wanted. Setting the cup back down loudly onto the wooden counter, he sloppily wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

     He was most definitely underage to even be sitting at a bar...but having such an esteemed man as his father left him many connections. Despite the bartenders knowing how old he actually was, they allowed him to come in any time. And so he did. Like the lake, he came to this bar anytime he was upset, stressed, or—

    The lake. His bloodshot eyes widened and he darted around the room. Looking both ways, he hungrily stared down at the people who was also at the bar. He knew that someone here had found out about his dark secret. Scrutinizing one person after another, he made sure that none of them glanced at him. Was it him? Was it her? Was it that couple? Who the hell was it?!

    In truth, no one knew about it...yet. It was just him and his growing paranoia that was slowly driving him to madness.

    "Hey, are you okay?" a voice asked, causing him to jump slightly. Whipping his head back to the counter, he realized it was just Reo, one of his favorite bartenders here. The twenty something man gave him a look of concern that helped him somber up a little. "I've never seen you this jumpy, man."

     Kuro gave the red haired man a wavering smile. "Don't worry about it. I just have lots of things on my mind right now, so I'm not paying attention to my surroundings at all," he tried to assure him, his words slightly slurring.

    "Okay, well...I think you should at least stop drinking," Reo responded with a small chuckle.

    "No!" he protested, waving the glass in the air. He was drunk, but he wasn't drunk enough. In the back of his mind, he could still picture the dead body. He could still see everything that he had done, just merely a few hours ago. "I need more. Give me more."

     The man shook his stubborn head. "I will not. I do not want to have my youngest customer end up overdosing. You're still young, and sure, a few shots is acceptable for me...but I have my limits." Before Kuro could open his mouth to argue, the man walked away from him.

     He scowled angrily and fought the urge to break the glass into pieces. Tapping the rounded thing onto the wood repeatedly, he could feel himself getting more frustrated by the minute. Then how was he going to distract himself? How was he going to forget everything and move on? How could he possibly forget how exhilarated he felt when he pummeled the boy to his death?

     Tilting his head to the side, he could feel his head getting woozy. Maybe he was going to get drunk, after all. Suddenly, in the corner of his eye, he noticed something. Unsteadily, he moved himself in a better position to see more clearly. There, in the far corner of the room was a girl...with a hair color similar to the one he loved. "[Y/N]...?" he croaked. He blinked a couple of times, wondering if he was hallucinating. When the girl still hadn't disappeared after a few minutes, he wanted to see if it was truly her. Pushing himself upward from his stool, he made sure he was stable enough. Then, walking past the tables and people, he made a beeline to that dark corner.

     He stopped when he approached the table and instantly frowned when he saw that it was someone else. What the hell was he thinking? [Y/N] would never go here, especially when she was underage. This stranger glanced over at him as he was about to return back to his spot. His mistake did not allow him to go unnoticed.

    "Oh, who's this?" the girl purred, scanning his body with her eyes. He stiffened and analyzed this girl. If he could....just imagine in his head that this girl had the features of [Y/N]....maybe this would be the perfect distraction.

     He was going to fucking hate himself for doing this, but he needed this. If he couldn't get alcohol to erase his memories for a few hours, then he had to settle for the next best thing. Substitution. Pretending that the girl in front of him was his girlfriend, so that he would kiss her...and maybe even sleep with her.

     No doubt, it would distract him.

    Unlike all the other girls he'd been with in the past, he didn't want to hurt her.

    But he was still going to.

    Why was he like this? How could he even think of doing such a thing? How was he going to deal with this guilt that would haunt him for the rest of his life?

    "Hello? Hot guy? Why are you still standing there?" the girl asked him. "We should get to know each other a little."

    Before he could break down in tears for the second time that day, he shut down his thoughts and took a step forward. Sliding into the booth with the said girl, he smirked sexily and smashed his lips into hers.