Is that all that we have

chapter 9

I come home earlier than usual that day to find Brad walking around the house shirtless wearing sweatpants. He still manages to take my breath away. 

I go and put my purse away and go into the kitchen and sit next to him. 

"Hey babe." He says, kissing me quickly. "How was work?"

"Oh, fine. We're shooting the more 'racier' scenes this week. It's just kind of weird I guess." I say quietly, stealing one of his chips. 

"Why is it weird?" He asks, stroking my hand. 

"I guess because it's not with you." I say teasingly, and he leans forward and catches my lips with his. 

The kiss becomes increasingly more passionate. "Bedroom?" I say breathlessly. He nods and picks me up bridal style, making me squeal with glee. 

He throws me down on the bed and kisses me roughly while practically tearing off my tank top and shorts. I yank at his sweats desperately. 

He kisses in a line down my body, making me moan deeply. "I need you now." I pant. He leans over to grab a condom but I stop him. 

"Wait." I say. He gives me a perplexed look. "What?"

"What if we... didn't. Use a condom, I mean. We-we said we wanted kids right?" I say shyly. I await an impish grin but only get an blank look. 

"I just don't think now is the time for that, Jen. Maybe in a few months." He says, bending down to kiss me again. I jerk my head away from him, pissed.

"Then when? When will we do it? It's always this question of when. In a few months, Jen. When I'm done with this movie, Jen. When I'm not travelling as much, Jen. Tell me, Brad, when the FUCK are you going to decide to settle down and have a kid?" I say angrily. He sighs and looks at me. 

"I signed onto a new movie."

It hits me like a truck full of bricks. 

"You did what?" I manage to whisper.

"I signed onto a new movie." He says shamefully. 

I can't even speak. He promised he wouldn't. He promised he would take time off, we both would, and we would travel the world and have kids. Together. 

"You're kidding. No, I know you're joking right now." I say, a little more firmly. "William Bradley Pitt, tell me you're fucking joking!" I scream.

"No, I'm not. I'm so sorry, Jen, I just--" He begins. 

"Save it, you heartless dick! You would think that you'd want to settle down, but you act like you're fresh out of fucking college. Get out. I don't want to see your lying face. Get the fuck out!" I scream. 

"What, Jen, what are you doing? Are we getting divorced?" He says loudly.

"Yes!" I scream with absolute finality. "Yes." I repeat quietly. 

"Look. I love you so much, more than I've loved any other man, ever, okay? But this is not working. We obviously don't have the same goals. I can have children with another man. I can adopt. I can do it all on my fucking own, Brad, and that's what you want. You're not willing to sacrifice anything for anyone except yourself. You're a selfish prick. You do what YOU want, for YOU, all day every day. You don't give a DAMN about me or anyone else, or the fact that I want children more than anything else in this world. You don't. I think it's best if we go our separate ways." I say, tears streaming down my cheeks, my trembling finger in his face. 

"No, Jen, no. I want children. I'll cancel the movie, I promise--" He begins, but I cut him off. 

"No. Do the movie. Do whatever the hell you want. Because if you really cared, if you really wanted this, you would have never signed onto the movie in the first place." I say, my voice wobbly from my crying. 

"Jen, I refuse to leave. I refuse, okay? I promise, right here, right now, I will cancel everything I have planned for the next two or three years, and we will do whatever you want. I swear on my life." He says, his voice breaking. 

"No, Brad, I can't. I can't trust your promises because they mean nothing to you! It's just a word to you. I... I think you should go." I say softly. 

"Jen. Baby, I love you so, so, so much, okay? We will work on this, we'll get through it, okay? You can't be so quick to leave." He says, crying. 

"I... I can't." I sob. 

"What if we just separate? Take some time off from each other, but stay married? It's temporary, just to get some breathing space and really see how we feel." He proposes desperately. 

"I... I guess that would be fine. We won't tell anyone. We'll stay separate for a month. But, oh, shit, we have your sister's wedding next week. Everyone thinks we're going together." I say.

"Well, we'll go together for that, but I guess that's it." He says. 

"Yeah. Well, I think you should go." I say, slipping my clothes back on. 

"Yeah. Maybe... maybe I should. Bye Jen."