Say No To The Voices

Awkward

The walk back to Michael's house dragged. This was weird. Usually the two could talk about anything and nothing. They could fill up the silence, and whatever silence there was would be blissful in each other's company. Something had changed. Michael couldn't put his finger on it. Jeremy, of corse, knew exactly what was wrong.

The fact is: The SQUIP is back. It can make Jeremy talk, move, do anything. Clubbing wasn't Jeremy's idea. He didn't even suggest it. That was all the SQUIP. Even Jeremy didn't want to go either. Michael had just told him about the Halloween party. Something Jeremy had no clue about. Both of them going to a club surrounded by people? That didn't sound good to either of them. The amount of guilt Jeremy felt was colossal.

"Jeremy?"

Suddenly, the silence as well as Jeremy's train of thought was broken by Michael.

"Hm?" Jeremy almost grunted in response. "I mean... yeah, Michael?"
Michael rubbed the back of his neck as they walked and talked.
"I know you said you want to go out, but are you one hundred percent sure about it? You've never wanted to go clubbing before... why now?"
"I uh... Think it could be good for us to get out. We've never done it together before, so it might be fun. You never know."
"You don't seem comfortable."
"I am. I want to."
"Well then... As long as you want to."

Michael looked down slightly, focusing on the path in front of him more than the people in front of him. His body language was making him seem more introverted and to himself than his normal open, bubbly self.

Jeremy felt so incredibly guilty. Michael seemed uncomfortable. If not as uncomfortable as Jeremy, then definitely more. The guy had just told Jeremy about his anxiety. About this feeling of dread he got frequently. He hadn't gone too much into it, but from what Jeremy got told, it seemed bad enough without the SQUIP's suggestion. Jeremy has no clue why Michael was alright with going. "I wonder what he's thinking about." Jeremy thought to himself.

Michael's head was quite frantic at the moment. Why did Jeremy want to go out? Sure he told him that it's because it could be fun, but Michael could tell that wasn't true. How was Jeremy so calm with Jessica? Maybe it was the kind of thing that happens when a boyfriend gets protective? That would make sense if it was someone else. Rich or Jake for example, but Jeremy Heere? No. He was the kind of person to say "Let's just go" and leave without saying another word or responding at all. That's what he did with homophobes at least.

Like that time Jeremy and Michael were going to the cinema and Michael couldn't drive them there because his tire had gone flat (it had started going down on the way there the first time) and he didn't have time to pump it up before the movie started. So they went on the bus. So since Michael didn't have to have a hand on the wheel and the stick, of corse he was holding his boyfriend's hand as Jeremy's head rested on his shoulder and Michael's head on his head. They'd just gotten to their stop and stood up when a grown woman stood as well with her little girl still sat on the seat next to her.

"Excuse me." She said, tapping Jeremy's shoulder.
"Yes? Oh sorry, miss are we in your way?"
"Have you realised that you're sinning?"
"We- What?" Michael turner around to see what was going on.
"Being... gay," she spoke as if it were a disease, "is a sin. You won't be welcomed into heaven if you don't stop. Don't you want to go to heaven? You do understand that God came in the form of Jesus to forgive our sins. You're just sinning even more!"
"I'm Jewish. And I'm sorry for offending you. Let's go, Michael." Jeremy stepped in front of Michael and didn't let go of his hand as he practically pulled him out of the bus.

That was extremely brave for Jeremy. He did get really sweaty and tear up as soon as the bus drove away, but that was the thing. Even that was a lot for Jeremy. Never mind confronting a girl who had shown obvious interest in Jeremy's boyfriend, had showed up to their date, tried to ditch Jeremy twice, and who knows what else she could have done! Jeremy would usually not say a word and let Michael try to handle it best he can. Or at most, he'd kindly ask her to leave, or say that him and Michael had something to do like a project or something due really soon and they can't have distractions.

Michael wished he knew what was going on. Was this Jeremy's way of saving a relationship that didn't need saving? This thought sat for a while in Michael's head before causing a million others. Was Jeremy unhappy with their relationship? Was Jeremy going to break up with Michael? Michael must've made him feel horrible about the party. Michael shouldn't have told him. Michael made a huge mistake. Michael didn't deserve Jeremy. Jeremy deserved better than Michael. Michael was the worst boyfriend in the world. Michael didn't love Jeremy enough. Michael should've let Jeremy go. Michael was holding Jeremy back.

These thought grew and grew. Getting louder and louder in Michael's mind. He shoved his hands into his pockets and kept his head down. Soon enough, They were at Michael's house.

"Michael? We're here."
"Oh. Want me to walk you home?"
"Nah. I'm alright. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye."

Jeremy walked away without Michael giving him a hug, kiss or anything.

Michael went straight to his room.