alexithymia
subclinical phenomenon involving a lack of emotional awareness or, more specifically, difficulty in identifying and describing feelings and in distinguishing feelings from the bodily sensations of emotional arousal
. . .
"𝘨𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨...
"how can your voice be the softest thing on earth but the loudest melody in my ear?"
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. . .
the room bursted into a chaotic mess, combat members scrambling to get their emergency weapons while non-combats dashed towards the safe room down the elevator. it was an issue as the elevator could only fit a certain amount of people in it, and there were 21 people running everywhere.
hyejin's eyes widened, her eyes shooting around. the constant pounding against the shelf began to get louder and louder, not a single member even sparing a glance at the overwhelmed girl. this was merely the 4th attack she's experienced, and as much as she loved the danger, it was all hitting her too fast
feeling a grip around her wrist, she was dragged into the elevator that was 100% overloaded with people. the grip felt familiar, warm to say the least. looking up, she met a pair of concerned dark eyes, his grip firm around her wrist as they lowered to the base level
she was afraid if she had said anything in such a tight atmosphere, that everything would shatter and NCT would simply feed her to starship.
when the elevator dinged open, a cluster of people fell out, all tensing up at the presence of hyejin. chenle's grip never left her wrist until they were all safely in the basement, where he had lead her to sit next to him on a rusty couch
it was a frozen silence for a moment, until yutas voiced hit like a hammer.
"you lead them here didn't you" yutas eyes didn't shift upwards at her, instead it lay glued to the ground. this caused everyone to awkwardly avoid all eye contact with her, except chenle, who was staring at her with solemn eyes full of doubt. even he was beginning to suspect her, and that was saying something as her own boyfriend.
"i don't have a single clue what you guys are talking about!" she stood up in frustration, her fingers combing through her hair making the strands fly around in messy waves
"you've been reporting to starship haven't you? about us? about everything?" xiaojun continued on from yutas line, his words forced through gritted teeth.
"what?" the text on the files flashed through her head, realisation coming to her. she had stopped dead. although she wasn't part of the whole reporting incident, she still couldn't form any words. it was funny how she couldn't speak anything when she needed to most.
"we got you haven't we?" doyoung now chuckled wryly, glancing at the way kun furrowed his eyebrow at him.
"those files from the table...i swear to god i have nothing to do with them" she hated being misunderstood, especially by people she could call family
the room didn't move, everything stuck in the overbearing silence
"you believe me..." she glanced up at chenle sat on the couch arm "...right?". chenle's eyes bore into the couch material, his adam's apple visibly bobbing up and down.
