The Worst Days of Our Lives

Chapter 24: Candice

She couldn’t take it anymore, despite her efforts, the nurse looked right through her transparent facade. “Is someone coming to pick you up?” the young LPN asked tentatively. Candice didn’t hear her, all she could hear was the rapid beating. She forced herself to swallow, though she felt her throat closing tightly shut, no longer allowing air to pass easily through. It was louder than her own thoughts, nothing else was to be heard sans the clear and strong heartbeat. She could feel it, although she knew it was impossible. It was not her own, it was the heartbeat of-. No, though her mind would not accept any new information besides the constant sound of the beating heart, she would not allow her mind to expand upon the details.

They had to do an ultrasound before the procedure, they had to listen to the heartbeat. It was as fast as the hooves of an entire cavalry of horse, racing off in fear. It was loud enough, it resembled someone rhythmically pounding their fist into a wall mere inches from your ear. She had never, ever been against this. She had always preached pro-choice ways, that this was the individual's decision and no one else’s. However, in this scenario, it had not been the individuals decision.

Candice knew it was selfish but she could not prevent herself from wishing that there would’ve been some middle-aged white man with a son that would’ve made a law, preventing her from going through this. She fully supported every bit of the pro-choice movement, every bit except when it was her own baby that was being ripped away from her.

This was not a choice based on logic, reality, or circumstance. She was not some teenager with a mom who was living on food stamps. She was not a college student who was surviving only on ramen noodles. She was nearly twenty-one years old, yes not many years of wisdom, but she was know 16 year old plagued with an upcoming geometry test. She had, technically, been out of touch with her parents for about three years, she had a job, a ‘roommate’. Candice was in a stable life as far as she was concerned and would’ve been more than capable of taking care of this child.

She still didn’t blame Toby. It was possible he just didn’t want her to throw

the remainder of her life away on a kid. He was always looking out for her interests, he had since day one. Yet, this emptiness inside of her, her veins had run cold and she was frozen in this state of utter loss, she couldn’t find the reasoning for it. She was confused beyond belief, because she in no way chose this for herself. Toby did, but Toby would never intentionally hurt her. She couldn’t comprehend where this anguish was stemming from.

All of this was spinning through her mind so rapidly, she hadn’t realized the nurse had helped her back into her clothes and was looking at her with concern, “Miss,” faint syllables were breaking through the vacuum of sound that had been controlling her mind. “Miss,” the nurse repeated, “Is someone coming to get you?” Candice managed a nod and pushed past the nurse. The LPN tried to stop her, perhaps to suggest she call someone, but the clinic had been in an empty part of town, sharing a building with a run-down chinese restaurant, it wasn’t exactly the highest level of service. Toby had deemed it safe enough for her. The nurse might have been slightly concerned but Candice was set on leaving and hurriedly did so.

As Candice wandered down the street hazily, she remembered Toby giving her  instructions on how to get home. He repeated them 4 times, made her recite them back, and threatened her viciously before he kicked her out of the truck in  front of the clinic. He was too disgusted with her to see Candice immediately after her procedure.  

The directions merged into each other, lefts mixing with rights and street names turning into building signs. When she gave up trying to find her way through the small Georgia town, she had landed in front of a liquor store. All earlier threats seemed mundane as Candice stumbled towards the door. She used her remaining cash that Toby had given her for the clinic to buy a bottle of cheap rum, not all that sure it was healthy with all the medications she must’ve been given along with her very recent procedure, but at this point Candice didn’t particularly care.

The silver lining to this situation, Candice realized, Toby had been forced to get her a fake I.D. She couldn’t get any sort of medical work done, even at the cheap, slightly suspicious clinic, without some form of I.D. Though she was merely twenty, ‘Sarah King’ was a fine age of twenty-one.

Before she was out of the store, the bottle was open and the warm liquid was burning down her throat, forcing it to widen from its collapsed state. It did not go down as smooth as her mothers rum always had, she fondly remembered nights filled with breakups and shots to warm her soul.

With all sense of self-preservation out the window, Candice found herself sliding down the brick wall of the liquor store, crossing her legs and curling up on the sidewalk. She supposed she was drinking to feel numb, but she was already numb, so the alcohol just made her feel dead. She was still in the emptier part of town, not that it was terribly familiar, but she had seen it before. Few cars drove by, as Candice tipped the bottle back again and again, she began to imagine what their destinations were. She amused herself to the point of giggles with her imaginative stories.

As she was concocting an adventure for the pickup truck that zoomed past, she took another swig, opening her eyes to see red lights,a vehicle backing up, through the brown liquid in the bottle. It was the truck that contained the entirety of the cast from Magic Mike and they were on their way to disneyworld. However, when the front two doors opened, there was no Channing Tatum smiling at her.

Some dark-haired guy, who looked far too young to be in front of a liquor store, although, so was she, was striding to the other side of the truck. There, a girl with red hair that was spiraling manically around her face, was standing with a look of fear. “Calm down, we will only be here for a minute,” The dark haired boy soothed her whilst looking around, “It doesn't look that awful here anyways.” Candice laughed at that and took another drink from her rapidly disappearing bottle. Apparently, that was a frightening sound to the girl, who shook her head, “I’ll just wait in the LOCKED truck,” she shouted the word loud enough to make sure Candice heard it clearly and punctuated her sentence by looking suspiciously in Candice’s direction.

Candice simply shook her head, she probably did look a wreck, she brushed her hand across the top of her head and what she found surprised her. Her hair had, for the first time and a very long time, frizzed out to it’s usual self. She shook her head again and was starting to get rather dizzy from it. “I’ll go,” Candice slurred and tried to stand, “No reason to scare anyone.” Slowly she pushed herself up from the ground until she was merely leaning on the wall.

The boy must have seen her struggle because he gave the beautiful red-headed girl a scowl and rushed over to her, “Here let me help,” Candice nodded, she couldn't even feel her legs, let alone have them supporting her full weight. She reached out and clasped the boys arm he had held out for her. “I don’t,” for some reason she felt the need to explain herself to the kind stranger, “I’m not normally like this, I’m very sorry.” She wanted to say more but her brain wasn’t processing correctly.

She looked up and into the boys blue eyes and smiled when she realized they were faintly flickering back and forth from green to blue. Candice used her free hand to push the frizzing hair away from her face as the boy asked, “Rough day?” This seemed unnaturally funny to her, not in the same way as the girls silly fear had, but genuinely laughable. It’s as if he thought her a girl who had made a wrong order at work, or her mother had called to tell her that her childhood dog had died, perhaps her boyfriend ended their 3 week relationship. These were all ridiculous thoughts because this boy hadn’t the slightest clue on what she had been through today, let alone in the past 3 years. Her head fell back in the slightest, the laugh escaping from her mouth like it was the first time she had ever laughed. To Candice, it felt like it was.

The kind boy went stiff, his comforting, supportive arm remained supportive, but he had tensed up, almost frozen. When she had stopped laughing she looked up into his face and his mouth was hanging slightly ajar. She instantly became curious and was about to ask what was troubling him, when all of the sudden his features blurred harshly. Colors were colliding and her world was spinning and before she knew it, everything was black.