He's All I Have

•10•

I was holding the two letters from both universities in my hand. They both arrived yesterday just as the new week started. I was ecstatic at the time but now I was sitting on them and couldn't find the courage to open them. I knew I had to because I had until the end of the week to accept any offers since school started the following week.

I looked at the outside of the two letters. Anyone I knew could choose Westrow any day. I had to open them. I took a deep breath and finally amassed the strength to open the first one up. Just as I was about to remove the seal on the envelope my mother and my sister got home. Attempts to hide the envelopes in my hand were futile because within a moment Lily's shrieking could be heard from even a mile away.

"You finally got your letters! What do they say?" She said as she mini jumped up and down.

As anticipated my parents had not been happy about my application to Westrow but as I thought, telling them about my backup had eased their panicking hearts.

"I don't know, I haven't opened them." I shrugged.

"Why not?" Lily asked as if it was that easy.

"Let me open them for you" my mom suggested and that surprisingly made me feel better so I handed the letters over. She tore the seal off with much anticipation and pulled out the paper inside there was no mistaking the disappointment on her face. I just knew I hadn't made it into Westrow.

"Oh," she said as she continued reading.

"So? Did she make it?!!" Lily squealed.

My mom looked at me as if to say sorry. "No, unfortunately not". She finally confirmed my thoughts. "They say you didn't meet the criteria. I'm sorry TC"

My heart sank, the news had been confirmed. I was stuck here for another four years.

"What do you mean? The lady who took my application told me that I'd make it in. How did this happen?" I said to no one in particular as a tear threatened to come out. I walked out into the backyard as that one tear turned into full-blown sobs and tears. This was my dream. I worked for this. More tears pushed out of my eyes.

Don't go. I remembered the words. Why can't I go? Why can't I make that choice for myself? Wouldn't it be better if I was gone then maybe I could finally attend church services without hiding or lying. I would finally be able to pray aloud without whispering. I wanted to go. I tried every chip I had to bargain with, in hopes that my mom would come through that door and tell me she was joking but it never happened. It seemed the decision was out of my hands so that is how I spent my afternoon, staring at the wall in front of me.

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Later in the evening, with nothing else to do, I picked up my bible. I randomly turned pages until I found a book I had never read before, the book of Jonah. I love stories so books with stories are my favorite. As I read on, I found myself laughing at Jonah, running away from God? He should have just initially gone where God was sending him. As I thought of it, it dawned on me, I was exactly like Jonah. God clearly told me to not go away for university but I went on and applied anyway. Unlike Jonah, I did not get swallowed by a fish but I got disappointed instead. It was then that I realised that like everything that happened in my life, reading the book of Jonah that day was not a coincidence, it was God.

The realization stirred something in me so I got on my knees and I prayed. "Lord, I don't know what to pray but I know I didn't listen to you and I am sorry. I want to do better. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen." I felt peace in my heart about everything at that very moment.

With newfound clarity, I skipped to the kitchen and got started on dinner. Lucy, as usual, wanted to help and we chatted like all was well with the world. I dished up food for everyone whilst Lucy went to call our parents to join us. Dinner started and as I expected, my father was not happy about my rejection letter, not because he wanted me to go away but because he wondered what else I'd get rejected for. As my sister and I were chit-chatting, we got interrupted by my father's voice.

"So, you didn't get accepted at Westrow," he stated.

I cleared my throat. "Yeah, I don't know why because the lady at the application center said I would definitely make it in," I explained but in my heart, I knew exactly why I didn't make it in. "Besides, I'd rather be close to home anyway." I shrugged.

I think my father really saw that I was okay with the rejection because his next answer surprised everyone.

"Well their loss because you are going to do great, it doesn't matter where you end up."

"That's right." my mom agreed and contrary to my expectations, it was an evening full of smiles and happiness.

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A couple of days later, my dad was disappointed to see I had chosen a journalism major, he still let me do it because I was so sure its what I wanted. All had brought me to this moment, I stared at the sign, "NORTH WOODS COMMUNITY COLLEGE" it read. I breathed out a nervous sigh as I walked in. I could have never imagined at that moment all that this place had in store for me.

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ThatChristianKid

02/06/2020