He's All I Have

•20•

After my first time at church without going behind my parents' back, I realized just how much of a burden I had been carrying around. Being a "secret Christian" was hard and I was glad I didn't have to live that life anymore. What made it better was how well the week had been going. Yes, I'd been away from my family but God had been doing a lot to keep me strong.

Abigail's family had welcomed me with open arms. We both had to share a room and I wasn't used to that. We obviously didn't agree on everything about our living space, but no more than any other pair of people living together out there. We did agree on a lot though, and I liked having someone older around because it removed responsibility from me. It felt good to be the younger one for once. I found out that Abigail had an adopted little brother who had been visiting a friend all weekend. He was annoying and sweet at the same time. I quite liked having a little brother.

Back at school, Zach brought me food on Monday and obviously I took it, who could say no to a good home cooked meal? I still told him he didn't need to anymore, and gave him an account of the weekend I had had. He was less than pleased.

"What? They actually kicked you out. There must be a law or something against this!" He said in utter disbelief.

"There is no such law since I'm over 18 now.  I am slowly accepting what's happened. You should too." I told him.

"I'll try. I'm sorry you had to go through all this TC, but God will carry you through. I'm sure of it."

"He has already started. Thanks for all the help and the encouraging words. You're a good friend Zach."

"And as a good friend I think you should join the worship team. I honestly would have never known how talented you are if I didn't accidentally catch you singing. You are vocally talented, why not use your talent for God?"

"Because I can't bear the thought of that many people staring at me."

"So you can stand up to your parents but not in front of your peers?" Zach questioned. His question is one I pondered on all week.

On Wednesday, Professor M let me know that he expected my grades keep being as good as they are now. I had recovered over the past 3 weeks despite the struggles I had been facing. I thanked God for sending Abigail and her family, as well as Zach.

★★★★★★★

Since having more freedom, my relationship with God had been flourishing. I could pray freely every morning by myself and we also prayed together with the family every morning. It was an enriching experience. It was through those prayers that I gained enough confidence to sing that Friday.

My nerves were high but once I held that mic, everything just flowed. I couldn't believe myself. I couldn't believe I had just sung in front of that many people. Even moreso, I couldn't believe I felt okay about it, proud of myself, but calm. Leading people in worship proved to be satisfying.

I got a tingle of sadness as I thought of how I wished my family had been there to witness this moment with me. A part of me wondered if they even thought of me. I wanted to think that they might be out there looking for me but I realized that they knew my school and could find me if they wanted. Which means they didn't want to. My sadness increased but God comforted me.

★★★★★★★

Monday was a weird day. Professor M requested I stay behind after the lesson for a "quick chat". To say that I was surprised would be an understatement.  I wrecked my brain the whole lesson wondering why he would want to see me. As soon as the lesson ended, I packed up my new belongings and headed to meet him.

"You wanted to see me sir?" I said as I approached him.

"Yes. My son tells me you are quite the singer." He said. His son? What did he mean?

"Your son sir?" I questioned.

"Zechariah?" He mentioned and I stared at him in confusion. "Oh, he didn't tell you. I'm his father." He said in a matter-of-factly way.

He was Zach's dad. I had no idea. Now I just felt awkward continuing this conversation. "I'm sure your son is mistaken sir. I have to go now." I said as I turned around to leave.

"I'm organising an evangelism team this weekend. You should join them. Your singing and your testimony might help someone to come to Christ. Please think about it."

"No thanks." I said as quickly as I could. I couldn't actually go out there and speak to people. I didn't ask for this. Zach had been telling his father who happened to be my lecturer things about me. I was more than mad at him.

★★★★★★★

That Saturday I stood in the street as I sang. My fellow evangelists were speaking to people. I knew I had said I would never do it but God had managed to help me step up to the invitation. I was still unhappy with what Zach did but God met me on these streets and I would speak to as many as would listen about his goodness and love. I stepped away from the mic and let another step in. I called out to a girl who was passing by. She outright ignored me and made angry noises. A girl behind her though stopped.

She asked me what I was selling and I took the opportunity to speak to her about Jesus. At some point she broke down crying, telling me about the difficult time she had been going through. Hearing about, and feeling the love of God, she accepted Christ Jesus as her Saviour.  I took her number and as I was handing her a pamphlet inviting her to church, what I saw stopped me dead in my tracks.

I saw my mom and dad standing opposite me, looking the most disappointed I had ever seen them. All I could hear was the violent thumping of my heart against my chest.

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05-05-2021