Circling Stars

🌟Chapter 21🌟

    "You were afraid you'd hurt them."

    Jasper let out a long sigh. "That was part of it but not the entire reason. From the moment the pain of the change subsided I knew only one desire. Hunger. Satisfying that desire became the main focus of my life. If that had not been a problem for me I do not know how my family would have reacted to my change. Over the years I thought about them occasionally. My new life was so demanding, I rarely was able to focus on the past. By the time I was fed up with Maria they likely would have died regardless if they survived the war and its aftermath."

    "If you want we could always search the public records for them. There's bound to be census information, tax records maybe even pictures." Hopefully there would be something that far back to give him closure. But what if they hadn't survived or had met bad ends years later? If it were my family would I go searching? I wasn't sure.

    "I...had not considered that," he slowly said.

    "Let me know what you decide, if you want we'll look together." He pressed his lips to my temple and I felt that he was smiling. Though I knew it was something of a bittersweet one. We sat in silence for a while. Jasper suddenly started humming. It wasn't anything I recognized but it sounded sad. It was a short tune, I could tell when it restarted. "What song is that?"

    "When this cruel war is over. It was popular with soldiers in the Union and Confederacy."

    "Will you sing it for me?"

    He hesitated then broke into a soft, clear tenor.
    "'Dearest one, do you remember when we last did meet?
    When you told me how you loved me, kneeling at my feet?
    Oh how proud you stood before me in your suit of gray,
    When you vowed for me and Country ne'er to go astray.
    Weeping sad and lonely, sighs and tears how vain!
    When this cruel war is over
    Pray that we meet again!'
    Of course with the Yankees it was coat of blue." His left hand, the one that wasn't around me began to scratch something into the rock between his legs.

    "Jasper, can I ask why you joined the Confederacy? Did you share their beliefs?"

    "No, I did not. My mother never believed in slavery. Pa though was indifferent. He didn't own any slaves but he never took a stand against it either. He mostly just wanted to stay out of trouble and kept his mouth shut. By the time the war came around the farm had fallen on hard times.

    A drought had come. Our stream slowed to a trickle and then vanished altogether. By then the war was on the horizon. There were so many young bucks joining in haste because they figured the war would be over in a matter of weeks. They thought we would all come home heroes to pretty girls. Arrogant idiots the lot of them.

    The drought effected the whole county so it was hard for me to find work. There was only one sure way to make money and that was to enlist, so I did. My parents weren't happy about it but we needed the money. My father would have joined too, but mother absolutely forbade him and threatened to divorce him if he did. 'Bad enough I could lose our son I won't lose you too,' she told him over and over. They may not have taken him anyway because he was over fifty and had suffered a leg injury fifteen years prior that gave him a permanent limp. I was technically too young to join the army, but tall enough that nobody questioned me when I told them I was twenty.

    I rose through the ranks quickly, even above older and more experienced men. People had always liked me and now I figure that my gift had something to do with it. Of course I did excel in combat and shooting drills so that played a part also. Even with the money I sent home, father was forced to abandon the farm a few months into my service. It was either that or starve. He moved our family into town where they stayed with relatives. My father still could not find steady work so the girls hired themselves out for sewin'. It brought in a little money and with what I gave them they stayed alive.

    The war went on. Almost a year later I was a Major, and my father had written me that he found work as a clerk, but it wouldn't be enough to live on if I didn't send them more money. My pay had been decreased because the rebel treasury was runnin' low. I gave them nearly every penny I had, but knew that it was only a matter of time before I would not have that to give them anymore. I was torn in two.

    While I still didn't believe in the cause for which we fought, I felt I had a responsibility to the men under me to stay. It was cowardly of me not to leave. It cannot be called anything else. Then The First Battle of Galveston came. The Union's boats flooded the harbor and I was in charge of gettin' the women and children out of the city. It was dark by the time I got them to Houston but I rode back to Galveston with all speed. Just a mile outside the city I found three women and offered them aid, and well, you know where the story goes from there."

    "A whole new war," I whispered.

    He nodded, then moved his leg to show me what he had been drawing in the rock while he'd been talking. Three faces, a young girl who though may have had similar coloring to their father, also had a mix of their mother and Jasper's features in her face. And a worn looking man and woman with warmth and kindness drawn into the lines of their faces. I may not have been an empath but I didn't need to be to see the regret and hurt in him. I squeezed him and he returned my embrace. If Jasper had been able to cry I knew he would have but as he couldn't, I cried for him.