𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙄𝙎 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀

𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙗𝙤𝙮𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙

Towards the end of seventh grade year I got my very first boyfriend. We never hung out, we never kissed, nothing like that.

So I guess you could say it wasn't serious.

I liked him. He was funny, cute, and nice to an extent. Which confused me more, I thought I was attracted to girls? I thought I liked girls? So did I not like girls anymore?

I wasn't sure if I really wanted to kiss him or not, yes I did think he was attractive, but did I want to kiss him the way I wanted to kiss girls?

We texted, talked on the phone, FaceTimed, all of that.

We told each other "I love you."

But I don't know if we meant it the same way. I don't know if I meant it the way I should've meant it. I did love him, but did I love him like that?

During the summer we split, he broke up with me over text and got back together with his ex.

I was sad at first because I lost someone I was close to. I wasn't sad I lost a boyfriend.

When I look back on the relationship I cringe.

It was weird, and it didn't look right.

Looking at me with him didn't seem right to me.

I dismissed those thoughts by telling myself I wasn't going to seem right with everyone I date. I'll only seem right when I date the one.

But was the one going to be a boy? Or a girl?

Four years later and I still want to fall asleep with a girl.

Four years later and I still want to kiss a girl.