𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙄𝙎 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀

𝙛𝙞𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙥 𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙤𝙛 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙚𝙩

At the beginning of summer after my freshman year, I told one of my friends how I had been feeling about girls. I also told them how confused I was when I was with boys. How I didn't feel how other girls felt when they were with boys.

She told me I definitely wasn't straight, but I wasn't completely gay either.

She told me I was probably bisexual but preferred girls.

It felt good telling someone, she told me there was nothing wrong with how I felt, but not to experiment with other people while trying to figure it out.

She told me it would be best if I didn't get into another relationship until I felt 100% sure I actually liked them, to take it slow.

After we talked about it I felt like a different person, I felt like I was starting to understand myself.

She had been one of my friends since middle school but we got a lot closer when I talked to her about it. She was an open gay, but still struggling to figure herself out as well.

We started flirting, things got kind of intense, and I ended up cutting it off. I don't remember how I did it, I think I told her I wasn't ready or something like that.

The rest of the summer wasn't awful.

I went to visit my birth mom and hung out with my child hood best friend for the first time in a year. Which actually turned out very interesting.

She was telling me about someone she liked, and it wound up being a girl. So I told her how I had been feeling about girls too. What a coincidence right?

I had officially told two people.

We got a lot closer, I don't think we could get any closer than what we are now.

Despite how drop dead gorgeous I think she is, I don't think I'd ever want to be with her. I feel too close to her to be romantically involved with her, if that makes sense.

When I returned to my dad's things kinda went to shit.

On the way to a softball practice my stepmom asked me if I was gay. I was shocked she asked me, and I was confused at to how she would have any reason to think I was gay. I thought I was pretty good at hiding my feelings. So I told her no.

She said she had been hearing around town that I was in a relationship with a girl. I didn't know who would have been telling her that, let alone the whole fucking town, because even though I had been fantasizing about it it definitely hadn't happened yet.

When my sophomore year started I found out that it was the first person I told about my feelings for girls.

I was really upset with her. I trusted her with my biggest secret and she told people, who later told other people.

I was angry with her, she because she was out doesn't mean I was ready to be. I accused her of outing me, even though I denied it to everyone that asked.

We weren't friends for the first half of my sophomore year, but sometimes during the middle we made up and became close friends again.

She didn't have a right to tell anyone, but she did what any normal person would do and told her best friend. She apologized for it so it wasn't really fair of me to hold a grudge against her.

Now most of my friends know how I feel about girls, the majority of them were accepting. I didn't straight up tell them, but if they asked I didn't deny it.

I had finally admitted I wanted to kiss girls.