𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙄𝙎 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀

𝙖𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙝

After him, I felt alone for a while. 

I wasn't technically alone, but I felt alone.

I gave up hope on trying with someone else. I gave up hope that someone might be good for me, that someone won't build me up just to mercilessly wreck me again.

I avoided anyone who was interested, blamed on enjoying the single life.

I spent most of my time sleeping, listening to music, reading, or just staring at nothing.

It didn't really help, but I couldn't do anymore drugs and I couldn't drink so I didn't really have any other choice.

I dyed my hair purple, let it wash out.

I felt like I was fading away. It felt like everything I went through was all for nothing, like there was no reason for me to feel what I felt because I didn't learn anything. If anything I felt even more broken than I did before.

I felt hopeless, I felt like giving up.

I didn't want to, God I didn't want to. I wanted to do everything I could to keep myself from slipping into that same hole again.

So I started talking to my therapist about it more. She helped a bunch, I love that woman to death. She's definitely had an amazing impact on my life, and I honestly do not know where I would be without her.

I started trying. I tried and I tried and I tried, but it felt like I was getting nowhere.

It felt like nobody was noticing how hard I was trying except for me, and that sucked major dick. But I couldn't give up, I refused to give up no matter how dark everything got.

And then I met her.

The momentary ray of sunshine I needed.