It's Just Us [🗸]

our jealousy

subway cookies are superior and I love them with my soul

***

JAMES

Will and Jason are together all the time.

As in, one glance through the hallway, and it's the two of them sending each other secretive smirks, brushing by each other as they make their way down the hall, practically attached by the hip.

It shouldn't bug me this much; it's not that I hate Jason or I own Will, but for some reason, every time I see them, I feel this itch in my chest, and this nagging feeling that I'm losing my best friend.

Last week, Will and I were supposed to hang out like we normally do on Saturdays. But all of a sudden he's pulling a rain check, scratching the back of his neck, glancing away, telling me that him and Jason have plans.

It shouldn't bother me. But it does.

It really fucking does. 

We're seemingly on opposite ends of this seemingly endless chasm. And it's almost like I'm running after Will, trying to catch up with him, but he doesn't notice. 

All of a sudden he's taking rides home with Jason. For the first time in forever, I'm alone in the car and it feels so fucking empty.

I don't have Will laughing his ass off next to me, filling in the silence with his music and his shitty puns. 

I hate it here.

I'm used to Will having plans, used to not having Will's life orbit around me. In fact, I prefer it that way. It's healthier.

I exhale a breath. But what I'm not used to is being last priority. An afterthought. Last best. 

If we'd decided that we were watching movies Saturday night, and Will got an invitation to a party, he'd delay coming, or take me with him. It was never "oh, sorry, bud; maybe next time," and ditch. No, it was "want to come with me?" or, "we could just hang out here, today." 

Because it mattered to him if something bothered me, if I felt alone, if I wasn't feeling up to it. 

Now, Will's so distracted by Jason with the confident persona and his I-don't-give-a-fuck aura, that he doesn't notice that my smile is more strained than usual, that we haven't hung out in weeks. He doesn't notice that I actually miss it. Miss him.

Now, I can't third wheel with Jason and Will for obvious reasons, because I know "hanging out" isn't all they're doing during their "hangouts", and I'd rather not be an intruder.

My grip on the steering wheel almost seems vice-like. But vulnerability peeks out as my fists shake. Just slightly, almost imperceptible.

But by far, the worst aspect of everything is the fact that Will is so fucking happy that I can't even bring myself to confront him about it.