It's Just Us [🗸]

our awkwardness

***

JAMES

To say things have been slightly awkward lately would be a gross understatement.

There's so much I want to say to Will, so much I want to ask him, but every time I open my mouth, nothing comes out. It's even more difficult, pairing it with the fact that Will is almost adamant about not talking about it. 

With him plastering on one of those easy grins, pretending nothing is happening, unknowingly increasing the mental distance between us.

At this moment, we're in the overcrowded cafeteria. Will's sitting across from me and he's talking about anything and everything, switching to different topics in moments.

 And the whole time, I can't even look at him in the eye for more than a couple of seconds.

Right now, it's only us at the table. Everyone's been held back for some class, according to Maddy. I'm guessing because they have one of those "the bell doesn't dismiss you, I do," teachers.

To be honest, I usually don't have any problem spending time alone with Will. But when my feelings are all over the fucking place and when I'm 90% sure he was trying to kiss me that night and I'm 95% sure I wasn't planning on stopping him, things are beyond uncomfortable.

I know Will isn't straight. Will knows exactly who he is. He's known since he was 16.

I don't know what the hell I am, though.

My experience in the queer field is definitely nonexistent, and Maddy's leaving it up to me to find out. But I'm pretty sure she might know, despite the fact that I'm completely clueless.

"James."

My eyes snap up to see Will staring back at me with a hand outstretched in a confused gesture.

"Are you there?" He waves a hand in front of my face and I just shrug in return.

"Just...thinking." I reply, eyes drifting around the cafeteria to keep my stomach's somersaults in check.

Usually, Will might've responded with a nosy "about what?" But this time, he pulls back and halfheartedly continues talking about how certain he is that there's no chance that humans are alone in space.

Meanwhile, I pretend that I'm not distracted and try my best to actually listen to what he's saying.

The rest of the group starts trickling in, quickly filling up the empty seats nearby.

"Miller's a bitch. Joe did one thing; and so her natural response was to hold everyone in the fucking class back for lunch." Kayla's voice is eerily calm, but I'm pretty sure we can all hear her silently fuming.

"And if you saw how smug she looked when she dismissed everyone practically 20 minutes late..." Gavin trails off, shaking his head.

Alyssa doesn't do anything except offer me a medianoche and fiercely bite into the rest of hers with an anger that basically conveys all her emotions.