Scoring The Coach ✔️

chapter twenty

Chapter Twenty

The next few days following Christmas were tense with Jared. We exchanged gifts as expected, but knowing that our relationship was coming to an end was a downer, to put it lightly. As if it couldn't get worse, I finally heard back from Brown, earning a big, fat deferral. It was as good as a rejection in my eyes, but I remained hopeful for other schools. Besides, if Jared and I weren't together, it wouldn't be a bad idea to look at other universities willing to give me scholarships. Maybe it would be better that way.

I came over on New Year's Eve with a weight in my chest, nervous as hell and shaking when I knocked on his door. He let me in, kissing me as he did.

I'd ridden my bike, grateful it wasn't snowing. My cheeks were flushed from the cold. He noticed right away.

"I could've picked you up," he told me.

"I know. I just thought it was better for me to have my own way home." My tone was icier than I meant it to be. Both of us winced.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm being a bitch right now."

He shook his head. "I'm the one fucking things up between us. You're fine."

I sat down with him on the couch, taking the carton of Chinese food out of his hand. He'd ordered my favorite: chow mein and steamed vegetables. The gesture hurt me like a slap. It seemed like he was doing all of this out of guilt, which made it worse.

It would've been easier to break it off at the party, I realized. This was going to make this a more miserable experience.

"What are we doing?" he asked me.

I paused mid-chew. "What do you mean?"

"I want to have a good night with you," he said. "And this is horrible and it sucks that I don't get to be with you for a while, but this isn't the end and it isn't forever. So please don't act like I've lost you forever, because my heart can't take that."

I looked down at my food and set it on the coffee table, having lost my appetite.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Other than the obvious?"

"Yeah."

"I didn't get into Brown. I didn't get rejected, but I got deferred. I'm probably not gonna get in, but Princeton and Stanford were scouting me."

"UCLA asked about you too," he said. "You're good. You'll go somewhere good with a great team. We can make us work, no matter what."

"Don't be naive," I said. "Long-distance never pans out."

"Don't be cynical," he shot back. "You know what? Let's not fight. I don't want to fight."

I pursed my lips. "Neither do I."

He finished his food, but I couldn't eat. I was about to cry, and my tears were clogging my throat. I remained determined not to break down.

We watched the New Year's performances in Time Square in silence. As the countdown started, he held onto me a little tighter, turning around to face me on the couch.

Our mouths were mere inches apart, and I wanted to say so many things. I knew I couldn't get a sentence out without sobbing, so I didn't try.

"I love you," he told me, with three seconds left.

"I love you too," I said, voice cracking.

At Midnight, fireworks blasted off in the distance, and Jared kissed me with all the passion in the world. I kissed him back, and the dam inside me broke. I started to cry, my tears salty in both of our mouths. Only when we broke away for air did I see his eyes were glassy too.

He laid me back on the couch and kissed me harder. Like the messes we were, we fumbled around as we took off each other's clothes, as we fell apart in each other's arms, as we made love on his couch for what felt like the very last time.

I knew the break would only be for five months or so. They always say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, even if it doesn't feel like that's true. You could never account for what would happen in the span of several months, so I stayed in the moment, for as long as I could.

And the next morning, I maintained my composure as I walked right out the door.

I had Risa pick me up when I reached the end of the block. I was crying too hard to ride my bike properly.

I was miserable for several weeks because I knew, deep down, that the love of my life was too far away from me. Every single time I saw him in study hall, he took a piece of my heart with him.

Shea seemed smug. It didn't surprise me that she was happy about being right. I wanted to hit her, but it wasn't my style. I let her think she had won. It didn't matter that much to me anymore.

And, for the record, I didn't get over him. If that wasn't obvious already.

***

hey hey hey imma keep this short because there are more updates coming!!

much love :)