400 Days After Fina

Day 454

400 Days After Fina by JellOfAllTrades
Chapter 18

The sky is orange as the sun is setting and the soft splashing of the waves below sounds muted. A girl stands on the edge of the sea wall, facing away from me. Her hair and clothes are whipping in the sea breeze.

"Fina?" I called out.

The girl turns around but I can't recognize her face. I step closer but the sea wall crumbles and I fall to the crevice.

I woke up in the dark, my heart beating madly in my chest and I groan in the realization that I dreamed about her again. I reach out to check my phone for the time and find out that it's only five in the morning.

Fina.

I closed my eyes and thought about the time we met at the letter C. She started the conversation while I was upset after what happened in a karaoke bar with my cousins. Her hair was long, her face was pixie-like and...I open my eyes in panic.

What did she look like?

Her smile was genuine, unlike the fake smiles I used to get from uninterested people I meet in the clubs and bars that Jaime and I used to frequent back then.

What else?

Her eyes were dark and brown and...yellowish.

I reach out for my phone again to look at the picture I have of Fina. It was the photo we took by the seaside playground. Her smile was shy and in the twinkle of her eyes, I saw happiness. This is the girl that filled my heart with love and then left before we could both say the words out loud.

Fina never wanted that to happen, I know. She wrote in her diary how she prayed to God to live longer so that she can be with me longer. But why did it have to end so fast? Why did it have to end that way?

I've gotten used to the tears that I didn't bother to wipe it away unless it gets on my lips. These lips that didn't manage to revive her with a kiss. I hate how I hoped for an unrealistic happily ever after with that kiss. But when it's all I had left to hope for, was it really pathetic?

Sleep never returned for me and I spent the rest of the darkness looking at my phone, staring at the simple beauty that was Fina. When the sun rose, I rose with it, finally ready to start my miserable day back in the office.

And then the memory of last Friday resurfaced. The look on Angel's shocked face after I kissed her on the forehead haunted me the whole weekend and it seems that it won't fade anytime soon. I slapped my forehead for even thinking about it.

I keep thinking about inviting her out so I can apologize but I can't seem to make up my mind. Right now, I don't think I can face Angel after what I did.

Maybe Jaime and the others are right about Angel being my new Fina. I did, after all, see Fina instead of Angel when I kissed her forehead. But why did I do it? Was it because of the overwhelming similarities between the two of them or am I starting to like her without me knowing it? Just like when I fell in love with Fina subconsciously?

But what happened between me and Fina were organic. I did go out of my way to hang out with her, but we never openly discussed being together and the closest to it was that time we kissed in the hospital playground. Not to mention, Fina only initiated the kiss because she was scared that she won't live long enough to experience it.

I take my time to relive that kiss in my mind only to be spoiled by the memory of kissing Mitch while she's role-playing as Fina.

Gods, I hate myself for letting that happen. Fina is probably repulsed by that if she was ever watching over me at that time.

I made my coffee extra strong today. It's my first day back after I got the flu and I know there's a ton of work I need to catch up on. Fina, especially Angel, would have to move to the back burner for now.