Their Little Princess

Chapter 23

"Lo ha ancora confessato?" I woke up to quiet yet hard voices. My head felt very light and my body felt very weak. Waking up not being sick is very refreshing. I know that I'm getting worse. It hurts because I can't do anything about it. The cancer is eating away at me and I can't stop it. I'm scared. I'm scared not only for my life but for their lives also. Within a short time, I've become so close to the boys and if something were to happen to me, I'm scared they won't move on. Cancer doesn't just affect the person who has it but it also affects the people around them. Cancer sucks. I don't know why I have to have it or why it has to kill so many innocent people. I was knocked out of my thoughts by someone slamming a hand down on the table. I jumped awake to see Dad and Ian sitting at his desk. My sudden movement caught their eyes because they turned their heads toward me. Dad threw a look at Ian and then looked back at me. He smiled at me and softened his eyes.

"Have a nice nap Bug?" I just gave him a small smile back and nodded. Ian went to leave but Dad's strong voice cut through the air. "Se non collabora, uccidilo." Ian paled but nodded. With that, he left Dad's office. Dad got up and came and sat next to me on the comfy couch. Even though I just woke up, I felt extremely tired. I leaned my head on his shoulder and sighed. "Are you still tired?"

"Yeah, I guess..." I trailed off at the end, debating if I should tell him how I feel.

"Is there something on your mind?" I looked at him and broke down.

"I'm so scared Dad. I'm so weak and I'm always weak. I don't know how I haven't croaked yet. I don't want to die but it feels like I am. I don't want to go back to the hospital but I don't want to die because I refused to go. I don't know what to do. I can feel it now. Before, it was just someone telling me I was sick but now, I feel it in my body. I feel it killing me, little by little. It hurts. I'm so scared." He just sat there for a minute, rubbing my head because my hair was gone.

"I know Bri. I've seen it myself. I've fought with myself over this. It is very scary for me too. You know what I think and where I think you should be." I just broke and started to sob.

"I know. I know. I know." I stuffed my head in his shoulder and sobbed. It took a good amount of time to calm me down before I spoke again. "I think I need to go back to the hospital Dad." I barely said over a whisper. He just squeezed me harder and put his head on mine.

"I'm glad you decided that. I'll call the doctor and tell him we will be coming back. I want you to try and relax a bit. Don't worry about telling the boys. I will talk to them and tell them. I want you to go to your room and pack stuff for the hospital. Pack comfy clothes, blankets, pillows, anything you want there. If you forget something, don't worry. One of us will be with you at all times." I picked my head off of him and wiped my tears. I gave him a small smile and got up. However, when I stood, I almost collapsed. Dad was quick to catch me so I didn't fall.

"I'm sorry." I groaned and threw my head back. I am so tired of being like this. Why couldn't I be normal? Why did I have to be sick? I wish I was normal. I wish I could be better. Why couldn't I catch a break? I felt Dad pick me up. I just rested my head on him and let him carry me. We ended up in my room and he set me down on my bed.

"Are you okay enough to pack?" I just nodded. He kissed my head and gave me one last squeeze before he left. I slowly stood on shaky legs and started to pack my stuff. My thoughts were racing and I couldn't escape them. What if this was the last time I went to the hospital? What if I couldn't come home? What if I died there? I just slid down my wall and sobbed. I wanted to die for so long, why was it so hard now? I sat there, wallowing in my depressive thoughts, wanting to escape. I stopped crying after a bit but I just stayed sitting, staring into nothing. I heard someone come into my room but I had no power to move and see who it was. Whoever it was didn't make themselves known. I heard rustling around my room but I couldn't move. It wasn't until Dad came into my view that I knew it was him. However, he walked past me and into my closet. I slowly turned my head to see him packing bags.