Don't Write Me Off

13. erika - a better heart to wear upon my sleeve

I think I got the wind knocked out of my chest again. In my mind, I am screaming for Jasper to hold onto me because I might hit the floor any moment now, but of course he doesn't: he has no idea what's about to happen next. Everything seems to have slowed down but I know it's also moving normally outside of my panic stricken state. The music is still playing, people are still having the time of their lives, and Ralph is still talking to us, I think, gesturing to Gab as an introduction. I feel frozen.

"EJ," Gab breathes out, looking directly at me with a look of surprise. I am still unable to form any sentences. His eyes move from my face to Jasper, greeting him with a one-arm hug like old friends do. Gab greets him as well, "Jasper! I thought you had midterms? You ditched me last night and all that. Ah, you've always been such a nerd."

Jasper shrugs, laughing awkwardly, "Yeah, sorry about that, bro. I decided to take a breather tonight. W-What are you doing here?"

Gab nudges Ralph, "Had to see this guy, since he's rarely around Katip."

Jasper looks over at me, wide-eyed, which makes me feel confused because I feel like I am mirroring his exact reaction right now, without context. I don't know why he also looks like he's seen a ghost when he doesn't even know what's going on. Gab notices this brief moment between us and asks Jasper, "You two know each other?"

I feel myself steadied by Jasper's arm behind my back, a friendly gesture that could easily be mistaken as a possessive one. "Yes, I-I've been tutoring her for college algebra."

"That's funny," Gab comments, "when you saw our photo in my bedroom you said you didn't know her...but, small world, huh?"

Jasper...knew.

"Must not have recognized her in the photo," Jasper responds casually, and I know this is a lie. I may look a bit different now than I did at least two years ago but there is no way that's a true answer. We've been seeing each other, literally, for quite some time now. If he knows what I look like with makeup scrubbed off completely, he can sure as hell recognize me even with longer hair and a thinner face, then.

"You know Erika?" Ralph asks Gab, clearly confused by the interaction. I can sense that underneath the comment he made, Gab wasn't too pleased to know that Jasper wasn't entirely truthful to him. It's obvious in the way his tone sounds sarcastic but watered down by his smile, a classic move. I wanted to feel betrayed as well but I know I'm not exactly innocent either: I didn't tell Jasper I knew he was close friends with my ex. Jasper still seems stunned, looking at me again like he wants to pull me aside to explain, "Erika..."

"Yeah, we're exes," Gab answers Ralph. This obviously piques Ralph's interest even when he's equally appalled at the revelation. He looks at me and nods teasingly, "Interesting. Okay, now I know where I recognize you from. I think I saw you two out back then. This is crazy!"

I give him a small smile, the first form of interaction I've made in all the five minutes or so we spent getting acquainted after Jasper and I got back. Ralph and Gab are joshing around, doing the usual introduction to the other people at the table, unaware of the shift in mood.

Jasper whispers to me, "We could go now if you want to."

I shake my head, which I can tell he didn't expect, "Erika, look..."

"We can talk about that some other time, Jasper."

He removes his arm from the small of my back and sits down, moving a little bit over to the side so I can sit next to him. I immediately reach over for a shot of whatever drink we're having at the moment, feeling it hit me before I sit down next to Jasper, who's looking at me worriedly. Luckily, Gab doesn't see us do any of this. Ralph sits down first, giving space so Gab could sit next to him, and now he's facing me. He smiles at me, "You look pretty tonight, EJ."