Don't Write Me Off

20. jasper - i've been blossoming alone over you

It's been almost two weeks since I last saw or spoke to Erika. I don't know what to think, honestly, but when I brought her home from Tagaytay, Gab was waiting for her outside her house. I remember thinking, ah fuck it's you again, and feeling weird that I have such strong opinions that I hold back from expressing to her. I did feel better after telling her that I think she shouldn't go back, and I won't admit it if anyone asked but I'm terrified that she will do it anyway. I have no place in this, but it feels like I should.

I sighed, turned off the engine. Before I could get a word out, Erika climbed out of my car like her clothes suddenly caught fire. She started getting her stuff from the backseat so I jumped out to help. I tried to carry her backpack for her, but she mumbled to me that it's okay, she's got it, so I just grabbed the boxes of baked goods my mother had given for her to take. Gab looked taken aback, and he didn't hide it or at least pretended to be happy to see me, "Bro, I didn't know you'd be here! Where's everyone else?"

"It's just us," Erika spoke up, grabbing the boxes out of my hands quickly, tiptoeing a bit to give Gab a kiss on the cheek as he looks at me, possibly fuming.

"Okay? I didn't know Jasper was with you," Gab answered her softly, getting the boxes from her. "I'm going to need the full story, yeah?"

Erika nodded, "I'll explain later. Have you been here long?"

Gab shook his head, "Just a bit, but you're worth the wait."

I rolled my eyes like it was reflex, looking away quickly. I leaned against the hood of my car, watching them and waiting for Erika to make him go home, or for her to get inside already. I wouldn't have minded a proper good night, too. I felt unsettled, like I wanted to say more only if Gab weren't here. Gab looked over at me, "Thanks for bringing her home, bro. You should've called me instead to lessen the hassle."

I stood up straighter, putting my hands in my pockets, "Sure. I was just leaving."

Erika walked towards me unexpectedly, giving me a one-arm hug without looking, "See you around, okay? I'll call you soon."

"I'll wait. Good night, E."

I shake my head to rid myself of the memory for the hundredth time, at least. Paula snaps her fingers in front of me to take me back to Nomu, with her happily enjoying the free milk tea I bought her in an attempt to get information. A bribe, if we will. She runs her hands through her hair, "You're doing that drifting off thing again."

"Rivera, I'm going crazy here," I almost beg, "tell me something."

"I would, but like I said, Erika's been pretty mum about things. I didn't even know she wasn't speaking to you until you called. Sure, she talks to me almost every day, but mostly she's just busy with her thesis so I haven't seen her around campus too," she raises her cup to me, "I do appreciate the bribe, though."

I gulp, feeling queasy without even downing half of my own milk tea, "Is she back together with Gab? There has to be a reason why she isn't speaking to me."

"Do you want to hurt yourself with that information, in broad daylight?"

"So you do know something," I narrow my eyes at her.

"To that extent, maybe," she shrugs, "but I'm not screaming on rooftops about it."

"Paula, please," I sigh, taking my first sip in almost half an hour. She sits up straight, crossing her arms over her chest. "Okay. I think she's still trying with Gab."

My stomach feels weird all of a sudden. It takes awhile before I say slowly, "You think that's why she's not speaking to me? If so, then t-that's...bullshit, I told her I'd be fine with whatever choice she makes! Why not just say something? I'm so confused."