Don't Write Me Off

17. erika - no doubt in my mind where you belong

"Erika, honey, I love you, but it's way too early to call at six in the morning," Paula yawns into the phone, I press it against my ear, balanced by my left shoulder. I continue packing for the weekend, even without assurance on how I'll get by if things don't go as planned and I start looking like a crazy stalker. "I know! I'm so sorry, Pau, but I need your help."

The sudden shift in her tone makes me feel even guiltier, "Why? Did something happen? Are you okay? Where are you?"

"It's nothing serious!" I blurt out, she sighs deeply, "Oh god, you scared me! You say it like that, not like last time! What's so urgent, then?"

"Can you possibly help me get out of a family trip?"

"Okay, but how? More importantly, why? You love going to Ilocos."

"If I tell you, will you promise you won't laugh?" I ask warily.

Paula laughs on the other end, "You can't ask me that, I laugh at everything!"

"Well, I've decided," I zip my backpack close, "I'm going to Batangas for the weekend, and I don't think I can do that for the real reason if it's what I tell my parents. Since they love and trust you, surprisingly, they'll let me go if you pretended that we're heading somewhere with your family or something."

I crawl back to bed, feeling exhausted but wired from the conversation I just had with Jasper a few hours ago. I hold my phone now in my hand, putting it on loudspeaker and placing it on my stomach. Paula speaks again, "Is this for Gab? I swear to god--"

"No! Don't worry," I close my eyes, feeling electric, "I want to see Jasper."

"What? At his family home? Did he invite you over or something?"

"Yes, there. Okay, no, not really...oh god, should I not do it?"

My eyes flew open again when Paula started laughing hard, my hand quickly taking her off speaker phone before somebody wakes up by hearing it from my room at this hour. I cringe at myself, feeling silly and stupid for even thinking about going over to Jasper's like I have a place. Paula's still laughing on the other end and my cheeks are burning hot, "In my defense, we were talking earlier and he said he wished I were there."

She slows down, taking this in. When the laughing finally recedes she says, "Really? Wow, okay, so maybe I understand your urgency now. I mean, if Gab said that he's probably just being polite. If it's from Jasper, he must mean it."

"I didn't really think of it that way."

"Yeah, you should do it," Paula says finally, "Shit, I feel so awake now!"

"Are you sure? I mean, I'm packed and all, but now I just feel like this is a bad idea. We're...friends! I don't know if I should cross boundaries. N-Not in a romantic way, just like, I don't want anything to be awkward! I'd probably die."

"Do you want me to pretend to pick you up later? Drop you off at the bus station? I can probably borrow the car for a while." Paula asks.

I stare at the ceiling of my bedroom, "Pau!"

"What? You want to do this, right? So let's do it!"

"You don't think I'm being dumb?"

"Honey, Jasper's bringing out the risk taker in you, and I'm here for it. If you feel in your gut that he's going to be happy you came, you should give him more credit."

---

I get off at a bus terminal in Batangas City right before noon. I know I've been around before when I was younger, but it was for family outings at resorts so it's going to take me awhile to get to Jasper's place at Pallocan West. I look around and see I'm right by Shopwise and Tile Depot, the highway mainly saved for trees and other businesses. I stand under the shade for a while to calm myself down before proceeding. My hands feel clammy as I take out my phone to go through my backup plan in case I'm unwelcome: I can rent a cheap room for a night near bayan and take the next trip out in the morning. I don't know what to expect, so it's safe that I have this. I look through my mini research, deciding how I'll get to where I need to be despite the unfamiliarity. First I'll have to take a jeepney ride to SM Batangas before riding a tricycle to Mimi's Lomi House in Pallocan West, which as Jasper described, is a restaurant with tables and chairs outside, but since they renovated there's also an area to entertain customers inside where there's air conditioning. It's a Lomi house but also a breakfast place to get all kinds of silog dishes. Their house is just a few streets away from the restaurant, but maybe my plan of action for now will be waiting for him there to have lunch. I'm surprised that I'm being this impulsive instead of having everything planned out to the last detail, but I really can't help myself: I missed being around Jasper. Normally I wouldn't do this, but I do want to see him and I feel weird because it hasn't really been that long, but it feels like it. I wish I knew why I felt like I couldn't wait to discuss everything face-to-face.