c h a p t e r e i g h t e e n .

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The magic of Christmas dissipated overnight and was replaced with crippling anxiety over the White Dove Ball. Winter tossed and turned all night long and in the few hours she managed to sleep, her dreams were riddled with forgotten choreography, being laughed at by a room full of celebrities, and other nightmarish thoughts. For Joe, it was another performance. He had been in the industry for years and over that time, had performed for hundreds and thousands and millions of people. The largest crowds Winter had ever stepped in front of were for her annual dance recitals while she was still in school, and even then, she was in a group so she was never singled now. But this was different. All eyes would be on her and Joe. Thinking about it made her nauseated.

In the midst of her nervous breakdown, Winter decided to sneak over to Joe's room, just to see if he was sleeping. It came as no surprise that he was deep into his slumber, his slowed breathing filling the room with a quiet ambiance. His presence was comforting even when he was unaware of it. The day ahead of them both was going to be long, but even more so for Joe who was the actual host of it all. She didn't envy him - that was a lot of pressure. Not wanting to wake her sleeping sweetheart, Winter tiptoed back out of his room and twisted the knob as she closed the door so that it was a silent retreat. The sky was fading into a pale grey as the night gave way to morning. There was no use in trying to go back to sleep.

Though she knew that caffeine would only worsen her anxiety, she brewed a pot of the bold smelling liquid. Winter basked in the feeling of the hot coffee sliding down her throat and settling into her empty stomach. If nothing else, she was sufficiently warmed. Moments after finishing the cup, the jitters set in and she groaned. This day was already a mess.

"Couldn't sleep?"

A voice sounded behind her and alarmed, Winter jumped while letting out a high pitched shriek. Goosebumps covered her arms and legs from the startling encounter and her blood pressure skyrocketed. At the frightened reaction, Joe's body jolted.

"Joe Jonas! You nearly gave me a heart attack!" Winter wagged her finger at him.

"And you nearly gave me one!" Joe fiddled with one of his ears. "I thought you heard me come up behind you. Honest!"

"Did I wake you?"

"Maybe." He admitted with a guilty grimace. "But it's fine. My alarm was going to go off soon anyway." A look of concern shadowed his face. "How are you feeling about tonight?"

With an exasperated breath, Winter threw her hands into the air. "Pretty much every single word that means nervous or anxious or scared."

"I'm sorry."

Confused, she blinked and furrowed her brow. "Sorry? For what?"

"I know you're doing this for me, and I'm sorry that it's stressing you out." Joe ran his fingers through his thick brown hair, the waviness  catching the light as his hand passed through. "What can I do to help ease your worries? I'm here for you."

Those words.

If only Joe knew the weight of those words.

In a word filled with the glorification of toxic masculinity and the primitive belief that women are damsels in distress waiting to be saved by a man, those words were a sigh of relief. Never once did he change the subject to talk about his own nerves. Never once did he invalidate her surmounting fear. Never once did he compare their situations to make her own doubts seem trivial.

I'm here for you, he said.

How can I help, he said.

Winter's stomach lurched as her mind recounted every previous encounter she had with Nolan. For so long, she had been written off, marginalized, and harassed by Nolan's words that she had lost sight of the feelings of sympathy and compassion from men. What a shame that all of her years with Nolan had brainwashed her into thinking that his behavior was normal. In the presence of Joe and his authenticity, a surge of confidence overcame her.

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