Breathe

Chapter Ten - I Can't

After a couple of weeks, Opal had perfected singing her part in Your Spirit, though Free was a little harder since she was leading by herself. She honestly regretted that she had agreed to this whole thing in the first place. She hated pretending and she didn't want to do this anymore.

This is it. She thought to herself as she laid in bed before tonight's group meeting. Thoughts began to pour into her head out of nowhere. I can't continue to do this. This isn't me. I ain't no Christian. I'll look a mess up there. I'm not going tonight or any other night. This isn't who I am anymore..." She sighed as she heard James' footsteps near her door. Before he even touched the doorknob, Opal called out, "I'm not going!"

James slowly opened the door. "Come again?"

"I'm serious, James. I can't do this. I'm not a Christian. I can't continue to do something I don't want to do and be someone I'm not around you and those folks. I can't." Opal said as she sat up in her bed.

James let out a heavy sigh as he leaned against the door frame. "Opal, you made a promise." He reminded her.

"Well, I can't keep this one." Opal said, shaking her head. "I just can't do this."

Opal herself didn't know where this was coming from. Yeah, she seemed to be having fun most of the time, but she finally realized why when she sung You Spirit and Free, she sung beautifully, but it never sounded completely right. She never truly ever meant what she was singing. "I'm going to sound silly up there and I'm going to look ridiculous. I'm not doing this."

"Opal, you already promised. You're not just breaking a promise with me. You're breaking a promise with Ashtyn, Christine, and the rest of the group. I even told Pastor Reynolds that you would be singing." James said as he walked further into her room.

"Why would you do that?" Opal looked at him.

"Because you were. At least I thought you were since you 'don't break your promises.'" James said with air quotes.

"Well, I never told you to tell him, so who's fault is that?" Opal asked, folding her arms.

"Watch yourself, Laura Belle." James said in a warning tone.

"You know what...all of this is what you wanted me to do." Opal said with a scoff. "Going to church, going to the stupid youth group, joining the stupid Youth Sunday crap, all of it is what you want me to do. You never think about what I want to do. You just decided to meet my boyfriend after all you ever did was talk sh-"

"You really want to say that in this house." James cut her off.

"Who do you think you are?!" Opal raised her voice.

"I'm the one who is responsible for you, Opal!" James said, raising his voice back. "I have been putting up with you and your attitude for years. This isn't about you going to church anymore. It's the fact that you let Auntie Krystal's death change you from the inside out." James never wanted to have this talk with her, but he pushed him to this point. "You loved singing, you loved church, and you loved God. But you allowed the enemy to use your grief as a way to pull you away from God. You know that Auntie Krystal would hate to see you like this, so why? Why did you allow yourself to become like this?"

Opal was frozen in place. She was lost for words only because she couldn't believe James really brought up her mother. She shook her head. "First of all, how I deal with the passing of my mother is not a BIT of your business. I walked away from God because he walked away from me and took my mother with him. She didn't see me get into high school, she won't see me graduate, go to college, have kids, or anything...because God wanted to take her from me to make me suffer." Opal said with tears streaming down her face.