One and Only (Kelly Severide love story)

An Agent of the Machine

"I KNOW I CAN TREAT YOU BETTER THAN HE CAN AND ANY GIRL LIKE YOU DESERVES A GENTLEMAN. TELL ME WHY ARE WE WASTING TIME ON ALL YOUR WASTED CRYING WHEN YOU SHOULD BE WITH ME INSTEAD?" 

I was right about not being able to stop crying, it has been a week since they terminated the pregnancy and every time I am by myself, I find myself randomly tearing up. The rest of my body is always completely numb, feeling like it doesn't belong to me.

Lying against the edge of the tub, letting the water reach under my chin. Staring at the ceiling above me, going over everything.

The ultrasound and how it crushed my hopes.

The termination and how I cried rivers onto my mother's blouse as she rocked me back and forth. 

I remember running into Anna as she tried to walk around the hospital, she had asked me whether Kelly and I are together and I told her that we are just friends. As much as the truth hurts, it is just that, the truth. 

She was also very honest with me, telling me about the connection that she and Kelly have admitted they felt when they shared a kiss. 

I am not mad, slightly jealous, not of Anna though. I am jealous of Kelly, I want to know how he can fall out of love so easily, cause I can't do the same.

My tears mix with the bathwater, I don't make a sound, just lay stationary, thinking about everything that I have lost.

How did I get here?

Jess walks in, noticing my state. I remain silent, staring into nothing.

"Okay fine" she sighs, "I love these pyjamas but you are making me do this" she continues as she steps into the tub behind me.

She sits behind me, holding onto me. I clutch onto her arms, tears still flowing freely. 

She doesn't say anything, just holds onto me and lets me get all my tears out. Until I have no more tears left to cry. 

*

*1 Week Later*

"Just see a therapist I beg you" Jess follows me down the stairs, "why do I need a therapist when I have you guys?" I refuse. "Because we are not trained in this" Ryan says from the kitchen, "I don't need to talk to anyone" I reply, "I am over it" I shrug.

I am definitely not over it.

"No one believed that" Jess sees through me, "I am fine, I just need a distraction to stop myself from thinking about it" I explain, "which is why I am going back to shift" I bite into an apple.

"Another thing that I am not happy about" Jess states, "doctors cleared me" I shrug, "physically not mentally" she argues. "Well physically is all that matters now" I shrug, "Will left the number for Dr Charles and I think you should go and see him" Ryan tries to hand me the number.

"Maybe later" I grab my bad and head for the door.

"You have been saying that for the past 2 weeks!" Jess exclaims. 

"Well then finally take the hint" I shrug, "okay fine, you are going to work then I am dropping you off" Jess grabs her keys. "I don't need you to drop me off" I argue, "well tough because it's happening" she stands firm.

"I already input the number of Dr Charles on your phone" Ryan mentions, "for when you are ready to give him a call" he adds. 

"Can we stop talking about this?" I request, "I don't want to think about it" I admit, "and I want to move on which I can't do if you keep bringing it up!" I exclaim.