Sugar Boo

6

What Kaleb said to me yesterday kept ringing in my head. 

His words. God, they made me feel weak and worthless. 

My insecurity skyrocketed after he belittled me for who I was. I felt really ashamed of myself and for being an undeserving friend to Ethan. Yet I tried to drive the thoughts away.

All of what he said about me was true and what crushed me even more was that they came out from someone like Kaleb -- the perfect fit to be Ethan's friend; a strong, confident, and sociable dude. A guy who I wished to become. Well, minus his arrogant dick personality.

It was sad to Ethan that I wasn't good enough to be a friend other than just an embarrassing burden to him because he has always been a real friend to me, he was there for me no matter what -- through thick and thin, in good times and in bad times.

While I was laying on my stomach on the bed, the doorknob twisted and I raised my head in time to see Olivia walk into my room. For the love of God, not now, please.

"What?" I asked her blandly after she nestled herself comfortably on my desk chair.

Olivia had a yellow shirt on that read 'Stay in your lane' and a high-waisted denim shorts at the bottom. It was so short that it gave Mom a fat headache the last time she wore it to our grandma's house.

I returned my attention to the textbook which I was reading. "I'm studying, whatever you want to tell me, make it snappy."

Still, no answer from her smart mouth and that made things even weirder.

I looked over at her with a frown on my face. "If you don't have anything to say then leave. I want to be alone, Liv."

Olivia stayed quiet, her expression remained neutral and oddly ambiguous.

"Look, you're weirding me out. Go back to your room and find another church service to watch," I grumbled.

While we were at it, let's give it up to my parents and their strange way to punish their children. According to them, performing house chores and confiscating our gadgets was not enough and they had agreed on to add watching online church services as another discipline technique to 'teach us a lesson', apparently.

"You're still ugly," Olivia blurted out.

My jaw dropped open, and I scoffed. "You fat as fuck!"

Olivia swirled her head around glancing at her own butt, smirking. "I really appreciate the comment you make about my booty."

"Please don't make it weird," I muttered with a cringe.

"I want to see how you are doing," she said afterward, which was sort of surprising.

I cracked up a smile for her. "Thanks. I didn't realize you really care about-"

"Sike!" Olivia cut me off. "I'm just bored to be trapped in this shit hole. I came here to annoy you, to be honest," she admitted before she got up and walked off of the room.

"Close the door!" I cried out but she never came back to do it.

Irritated, I cursed under my breath and went to shut back the door myself. I honestly wish I could sell my sister online. I would even give her away for free at this point.

I've got two chapters of history textbook to read and had spent two hours drawing the mind maps and they were still unfinished and yet here she was, trying to piss me off.

As I was about to sit back on the bed, the bedroom door swung open again and Olivia's head peeked through it, a playful smile was coming onto her face.

"Oh my God Olivia, fuck off. I'm tired of your shit!" I threw my hands up and plodded down on the bed's edge.

She waved her hand at me. "Take it easy, little brother. You act like a girl on her first-ever period."

"Whatever that means," I answered with an eye roll.

I watched her as her eyes scanned through my room then she moved to stand by the window. "Ethan's not coming?" Olivia asked, curiosity filling her tone.

Looking at my sister pointedly, I asked her back. "He has other friends besides me and why do you care?"

Ethan was definitely at Steve's with his sack of shit friends and I was glad that I had succeeded to convince him that I was hit by a sudden case of explosive diarrhea. All that for the sake of avoiding Kaleb.

"Because I need to please my eyes," she clarified. "You do realize Ethan is hot, right? Like so hot I want to bang him."

"I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. " I gave her a look of disbelief. "And for your information, he is dating my best friend, Elle."

"Oh really? That must be so hard for you," Olivia responded instantly.

For a second I thought I lost my words at her comment. Did she think I... no, that's impossible. Oh my god, did everyone think of me the same way as her?

"W-Why'd you say that?" My stomach tightened in knots and I had no clue why my body reacted that way.

"Because you're single and keep third-wheeling him and your best friend, Elle," she teased me, quoting her fingers around the words best friend and Elle.

I heaved out a deep breath. "Oh, that makes sense," I mumbled, feeling relieved because her reply was contrary to what I thought earlier.

Why did I feel the way I felt before?

"You seem a little anxious a second ago." Olivia gave me a strange look. "What did you think I was going to say?"

I gulped a sudden lump of panic in my throat and dropped my eyes to the floor, looking down at my banana socks. The pairs illustrated the yellow fruits set on a turquoise background. My favorite fruit and color.

"Andy, did you expect my answer to be different?" she questioned me while laughing.

Something inside my body just took over me and the need to shout at Olivia become more vivid than anything. The next thing I did was unimaginable, even for myself.

"I don't know, okay?" I belted loudly causing her to freeze in her place. "I don't know what you think of me or what other people think."

"It's only a question, Andy. Why would you snap?" Olivia's expression worried as she stared at me unblinking.

"I'm not worthy to be thought of by anyone," I told her instead. "Now get out of my room."

"Andy, are you -" Olivia started to say but I interrupt her when she tried to move toward me.

"Get out!" Turning away from my sister, I grabbed a pillow and throw it in her direction but, she caught it before it hit her head and in return, she flung the pillow back to my face.

"I hate you and your quick reflexes, " I said to her, deadpan.

Olivia motioned to the door and turned to take one last glance at me. "I have no idea what's going on with you but don't give so much power to your negative thoughts. It's unhealthy and exhausting," she told me then left.

I sat quietly on the bed while I pondered on her words. My sister was right, overthinking only made me feel like shit in the end. If only someone with a sensitive heart like me could stop my own inner monologues.

My phone chimed at a text message from Ethan, my eyes widened and I couldn't help but let a smile forming on my face after I read what he sent me.

Wish you were here with me :'(