Chapter 8: A Scumbag's Diary

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Jungkook's P.O.V

I was thirteen. I got hospitalized for the first time in my life, and at the end of the day I was back to junior high, Taehyung's gang surrounded and forced me into the storage room. Taehyung locked me inside, and I could hear the laughter and high fives as the rest were complimenting his hilarious idea. I began having a panic attack, the space I was in was too dark and small, feeling like I was running out of oxygen. Too late. The school was empty, the gates were closed, and I had lost all hope. Only after two hours of constant crying, Robert broke in to rescue me——— It was another memory that had been haunting my dreams for years. Another event turned into one of my multiple, repeating nightmares.

Walking down the hallway, I threw a plastic coffee cup into a trashcan, got to the lockers, and opened mine when suddenly, a hand grabbed my shoulder.

I jerked it away and turned around. "Easy there, man." An ex-friend of Taehyung's stood in front of me. I swallowed. "I know we weren't best mates back in the day, but it's behind us, right? I'm just making sure. No hard feelings."

No hard feelings? I wanted to grab his throat, yet couldn't move. "S-sure. I-it's over now."

I had to watch his spine getting further and further, confident, carefree. I slammed my locker shut.

"Jees, Kook, you broke it!" I heard Robert.

My eyes began searching around. "Shit... Did any of the teachers see?" The place was almost empty. Taehyung alone, was there, staring at me with terrified eyes.

I snapped. Step by step, I was moving closer, grinning as each one brought more horror to the guy's face. It added to my fury that he was the only one; I was brave against him even if he didn't hurt Robert first, though not against anybody else. Like a coward.

"Didn't I tell you to stay away?" I asked, my tone calm and cold. He remained silent. "Move!"

There wasn't a need to utter more words for Taehyung to sprint in the opposite direction. Out of his ragged bag, dropping loudly onto the ground, a Biology textbook and a silver-colored notebook fell.

I leaned down to pick the items. "Interesting..."

"We should return it to him," Robert said while I was examining the odd cover. "It's not ours." I opened the shiny notebook, impatient to read what was so worthy of the fancy outside appearance. "This is wrong..." he mumbled.

"Look at his handwriting!" I said.

"It is quite pretty."

"He writes like a girl... Is that his diary?!" I began to laugh out loud. Robert tried to take it. "Finders keepers, pal."

"Let's give it to a teacher. Mrs. Levi would definitely hand it back to him," said Robert.

"No way!" I cried. "I have to know what's in there!"

He started tapping his foot anxiously, muttering, "Kim will get suspicious..."

"One lesson, please?" I begged with a poppy pout.

"Alright..."

During the next hour and a half, I was flipping through the writing, reading half a line, skipping, then repeating, bored. The teacher kept talking in the background, and listening to her was more interesting. However, shortly, a familiar name caught my attention.

I reread it once, twice, and indeed, it was my full name, written in Kim Taehyung's diary. I blinked, then read some more.

Bastard. I clenched my teeth. HOW DARE HE WRITE ABOUT LOVING ME?! Those insufferable passages took half the damn thing. He wrote about my looks, voice, even my scent: Everything about me as a man, nothing about me as a person.

I refused to be a part of Taehyung's dirty fantasies. There were endless descriptions of his desire to be near me, yet, there wasn't a word of guilt in any of the pages I had the nerves to read.

An idea popped up in my mind, and though I tried to shake it away, it didn't leave.

Taehyung made me into an outlet for his sexual desires, and a part of me wished for it to bite him in the ass. The opportunity was right in front of me, a way to inflict the same pain he used to, and get away with it.

I could, I knew I could, but when it finally sounded so easy, I didn't believe I would.

"Taehyung is in our next class."

Robert's reminder startled me; so lost in thought, I didn't notice the teacher had dismissed us.

"Whatever," I said, "I found what I needed."

"What do you mean? Did you read all of it?"

I shook my head. "The interesting bits. Should I tell you what?"

"No, it's none of my business," he muttered.

"So righteous... I wouldn't anyway."

The idea of revenge always had been and always will be sweet, remembering I had the option was both alarming and empowering. Taehyung would keep it a secret, and if I went on with it and seduced him, he'd make sure no one would find out. Yet thinking about what I might do to him felt so wrong.

For once, I'd have no restrictions. I'd retake the control they'd stolen. I'd have that handsome asshole at my mercy. I'd turn into a monster.

Decent people, like Robert, would never.


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