Thoughts turned into Poetries

13. ME: Then, Now and Tomorrow

(Apr. 20, 2020)

What more could be told
From a girl left in this world
To feel pain and sorrow
She's just like any other
I'm confused as to why
You want to hear her story
But let me start hereby

She regrets not being kind
To mother, who was one of a kind
She always thought of brother
Always getting everything he wants
Cheap or even if expensive,
Mom doesn't bother
What brother wants, brother gets

She hates how she struggled
To do good in all things
Just to see mother happy
With all this achievements,
All she did was study
Because if not,
Mother will punish her heavily

She hates how she believed
That father loves her tho he left
What right does she have to ask
She couldn't even get a single chat
She wanted to show she cares But father doesn't even care
Why does it have to be so unfair?

She hates how she allowed
People to enter her life
And mess around,
As much as they like
She had trusted them truly,
She wanted to smile beautifully
But she was betrayed painfully

She regrets accepting
What people had been shouting
That she's someone not worth loving,
Not even someone worth looking
Her feelings are worth playing
Who cares if she's hurting?
No one would give her comforting

She regrets even trying
To stand with people
Who keep on insisting
That being different is unacceptable
And being weird is not interesting
That she must change for her to belong
Because she's nothing all along

She regrets committing mistakes,
But being perfect isn't all it takes
To love and be loved,
It's a privilege everyone must have
To her flaws and shortcomings, Shouldn't we at least be accepting?
We all have skeletons we keep hiding

She hates how cruel she can be
Everytime she gets hurt deeply
But it's something you'd do naturally
To protect yourself from everybody
It's tiring to just watch
All these people snatch
Everything she becomes attached

Then and now, it's still the same
All she did was to numb the pain Hating and regreting,
What's the point of living?
Will she be a better human being?
Or just someone worth trashing
Just like what everyone is telling?

She keeps asking,
Is tomorrow going to be better?
Or just another day to be bitter?
Will she finally be happy?
Or will it be more lonely?
Questions she asks,
Only she holds the key to this tasks

If only she could accept
That there are those born unlucky
Yet they could still live happily
That there are those family
More broken and empty
Yet they choose to heal daily
That herself must be filled with positivity

If only she could not hurt
When family is so disappointing
And isn't the home it should be providing
But be reminded of the fact,
That everything that mother is doing
Isn't for the bad, instead,
Are all for her own good

If only she could understand
That trying to do good in all things, Will make her tired and weary
What's most important is that
She puts her heart beforehand
And see what outcome it brings
When she puts the best of her ability

If only she could know
That some people really will go
To leave a scar or a lesson,
Whatever it is, she mustn't let
It put her heart unrest
Instead, find a reason
To continue to carry on

If only she could see
A better part of she
Not someone's plaything,
But a gem in the making
Someone who gave so much love
And someone deserving of love,
Something no one can ever judge

If only she would just be content
Of those few true friends,
Who cares about fake friends?
She doesn't need everybody to believe,
The best of her, she should only give
To those who never leave,
And wishes the best for her to achieve

If only she would realize
That before loving someone else,
She has to love first herself
Her regrets and mistakes,
Her flaws and shortcomings,
Isn't all that there is in her,
There's always a room to be better

If only she would not care
If sometimes she seem to hate
People who love to create
A mess in her mind,
And a hole in heart
Still, from being evil she's to refrain,
Forgiveness should be all that remains

Yes, yes, I know
All these stuff in my head,
Everyday, I've been telling myself
Tomorrow doesn't have to be bitter,
It definitely has to be better
And although this will never be easy,
Still, I have to face this with bravery

The time has finally come,
For me to realize what I want to become
It's time to finally be just me,
And choose to be happy
I will be a better person,
And I will be a better woman,
This, I surely can.