tryst // h.s

forty two

Chapter forty two

Zara

I don't recognize myself.

I have never been this clingy in my whole life and it's so gross that I can't even begin to explain how is that I am like this and I'm so anxious.

Paris was four days ago and I'm already starting to miss him; this is so uncalled for.

Turns out being spontaneous is not the thing I stand out at. Right after the concert they had to leave very soon and drive across the whole country for the next day show so Harry - along with the other boys - had to leave and we didn't get much time together after I told him what i wanted.

The adrenaline that I had rushing through my veins that night was so extreme that everything's a blur, as if bits and pieces come and go because I was so agitated while looking for him and after he kissed me, almost as if I was drunk on nothing but feelings.

I can't begin to describe the hurt flashing on Harry's eyes when I told him I couldn't go with them right there. I didn't really think it through because I was so overwhelmed and confused that I hadn't packed a suitcase to join them on tour. I was still dubious about going back for the whole thing.

We didn't get much time together because the tour bus was waiting and their tour manager was getting impatient. They have a schedule to meet and I totally get it, it's part of the job but I was still a little sad that I couldn't spend the rest of the night talking to him and kissing.

Oh dear god.

He's such a good kisser, he managed to leave me in cloud nine just by kissing me and I don't think I could ever get tired of him beside me. I think is the fact that there's feelings involved because I haven't felt this way before; at least not in a long time.

But the way he pressed his lips on mine and swirled his tongue along with mine while he cupped both my cheeks as I stood on my tiptoes was fucking amazing and I can't wait to see him again.

Cassie almost has a stroke when I told her and her squealing almost got me deaf. Then she proceeded to scold me about not thinking things through and packing a bag before but I didn't really expect it.

Had I known this would happen I would have already half my closet packed, and yeah, I know Zayn was the one to invite me first but I was still hesitant to give him an answer. First it was the thing with Harry, but that's out of the way now and I hope he's not bothered by my presence on tour; I know he said he wanted to be with me but I don't want to smother him. Tour life is hectic and exhausting, there's a lot of scheduled stuff, events, concerts, awards, album recordings, radio shows, interviews and a lot of technical and logistical stuff to take into consideration.

I wouldn't be around him that much and I'm not purely there just because of him, but let's face it, I'm not going to want to spend it with other people if he's there.

The second reason I was still reluctant to give Zayn an answer was because of Luke, and I was right not to be sure. On the night of the Paris concert he stopped me while I was on my way to talk to Harry. He said he wanted to talk to me and I was so eager and itching to see Harry that I totally avoided him.

I think it's one of the first times I've actually said no to someone and I didn't actually thought about it in the moment but at the time I wasn't thinking clearly. Had it been any other moment I would have probably sat down and listen to whatever he had to say to me but I was in a rush.

It was amazing going with my heart for once but I wish I had thought everything beforehand and stayed with them for this past days because I think Harry and I still have a lot to talk about and maybe a little more kissing.