chapter seventeen: whats going on with me?

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Stella POV~

Its has been quit a while since i had full control on my body again. But it doesn't feel the same. I always feel like someone is watching me but i haven't left the bunker in weeks thanks to the non sleeping, non eating, feeling drained all the time and just want to dame sleep.

Dad forced cas to check me if anything is wrong and cas said that my body got used to Michaels energy and now its kinda lost without it. If that make any fucking sense.

I still have nightmares, same ones too. Me slaughtering my family in a gruesome way. I wake up screaming my lungs out. Dad ofcourse comes to comfort me but im starting to feel guilty cuz he hasn't had a good sleep in weeks cuz of me.

All of them are worried, its kinda oblivious. Sams puppy eyes. Cas always checking. Dad nervousness. Jack trying to keep my mind off of things.

It was just like any other day, i woke up screaming at 3 am, dad comforted me, i pretended to be asleep so he can go back to sleep.. it worked. And not sleeping after him leaving.

Jake came with breakfast at 7am but i couldn't eat anything.

"Just one spoon of cereal. Please. For me?" Jack said.

I sighed. "Alright. But if i throw it up you gotta hold me hair, okay?"

"Ofcourse!" He smiled.

I put it in my mouth and the moment i swallowed it. I threw it up. Welcome to my life.

"Sorry." I said to jack.

He looked at me confused. "Why are you apologizing?"

"I feel like im disappointing you guys. And like im a burden. I annoye you guys with my nightmares and my non eating and i feel like.. i feel so worthless and weak and i don't want to feel that way anymore. I wanna go hunt with my dad and uncle, i wanna go walk in the forest with you, i want cas to trian me. But i cant help but feel tired all the dame time."

"You are certainly not worthless, young lady." He said.

I look at him confused at the nickname.

"Uhh i heard dean calling you that. But thats not the point. You are not worthless or weak or a BURDEN! you are so important to me and the guys. You are family stella and we care about you. I care about you."

I smile at him trying not to cry. Im really trying here.

But i failed. And sobbed like the ugly bitch iam.

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Thanks for reading!

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Lilas~

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