When Pandas Fly

Chapter 7 - Demented Bullies and Farting Gods

Autumn and Hunter were about seven and eight when they had their first huge argument.

"That's my crayon," Hunter said.

"No, it's my crayon," argued Autumn.

"No, I was using it ten seconds ago."

"You were telling me it was your crayon ten seconds ago."

"Well, it is mine." Anger started to storm in Hunter's hazel eyes.

"NO, finders keepers, losers weepers!" Autumn rolled the blue crayon behind her back for safe keeping.

"BULLY!"

"DEMENTED!"

Hunter ran towards her and grabbed her by the shoulders. Since they were so young and chubby, it happened in slow motion and barely had an effect.

"MINE!" yelled Hunter as he tried to throw Autumn to the ground. He once again got nowhere, and instead let out a little grunt, probably a cramp from moving so much.

"NO!" Autumn tried to do the same thing, but only managed to fall, pulling Hunter along with her. There they were, two sprawling six year-olds, trying to crawl their way back to the other.

Eventually, teachers came in and detached the fighting kids, but their attitudes towards each other stayed heated for the rest of the week.

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Hunter locked his hands over Autumns neck, almost suffocating her. He put his face close to hers and growled. "Don't you dare ever speak to me that way again. You might be my best friend, but you don't know half of the things that I've been through, alright?"

Autumn laughed, her chuckles soon turning into coughs. "I can choose to say whatever I want," she spat. "Especially to you. And guess what, Hunter? I don't even care if I go to Hell for it. "

Hunter fumed. "That's it! I'm gonna k-"

"Shut up, you two stupid nincompoops!" shouted a high-pitched, nasally voice. Both kids paused and turned to the sound. What they found was an angry Theon, hands on hips and face in a scowl. 

Autumn groaned. "Ugh, I totally forgot about you Theon. Could we just leave so Hunter and I can finish- WAIT YOU CAN TALK? HOW-"

"You doodoo brains are acting like children!" Theon interrupted. "You realize that you two are humanity's only chance of living?! And here you are, acting like absolute immature, farting children?! I honestly could not be more ashamed."

Hunter and Autumn were at a complete loss for words. Hunter sat up. "Farting?"

Theon ignored his comment as his whole life story came spilling out. "I knew you two since you were babies, and never have I ever seen you act so premature. The day I came to Antarctica, to your igloo, was what I thought would be the best day of my life. The Giant Panda Agency sent me down to you two that day. And it was surprising because they had never given me an assignment before, let alone one so important." The kids were absolutely speechless as Theon continued his lecture. "I'm surprised you two were so trusting of a random panda in the middle of an arctic wasteland, but hey, I don't judge.

"I was just two hundred and fifty-three when I was first recruited to the Giant Panda Agency, or G.P.A. I was very unintelligent at that age and didn't realize what I was getting into, but I thought it would be fun, so I joined. They put me on some missions on trying to save the Hindenburg and stuff but I failed miserably, and ever since, I had been scorned, for my failure had killed about a hundred people. So when they gave me the 'save-all-of-humanity-assignment', it was kind of a big thing. And, after all, the only other good pandas died during the Dry War. So this assignment means everything to me. And I can't have the G.P.A. watching me fail yet another assignment. So you two better apologize and get along. Now!"