𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗸𝘀 𝗠𝗮𝗱𝗲

5. 𝗔𝗱𝗺𝗶𝘁

Stef's POV

"It says physical pain can distract from emotional pain. It's a way to express her emotions. Next thing you know, she will be carving Vincent Van Gough's art into her skin. She's gonna make a whole god damn mural on herself." I said sarcastically.

"Stef, this really isn't something to joke about." Lena said as her and I were laying in bed on our computers researching on self harm to try and get a better idea of what was going through Callie's mind.

"I guess it helps regain control over her feelings. Why can't she find control in other healthy things. Out of the whole damn bucket, she picked this." I said as Lena could tell I was irritated. The night before, Callie had stayed in the hospital. Lena and I stayed there the whole night next to Callie's side.

"And here it says to keep an eye out on your child but avoid 'policing' them, as it may increase the chances of them relapsing." I added as I scrolled further down the page.

"That ones gonna be tough for you." Lena said looking over at me.

"True, but it also says to keep firm boundaries. So I guess I can say whatever the hell I want to her."

"Stef, that blew up in the car the other night. All three of us are going in different directions and taking different approaches to this, and in the end it is just confusing Callie even more. We all have to get on the right path if we are going to make progress." Lena said.

"And I agree with you, 100% babe. However, you and me have different parenting techniques and that's just the way it is." I said.

"Okay but this isn't where one of our kids sneaks out at night or someone comes home drunk Stef. This is Callie hurting herself. This is a whole new level and you and me both need to go about this differently then we have been. Figuring out new parenting ways." Lena said firmly.

"Lena, I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't know what to do. At all. We aren't putting her in a psych ward anytime soon and I think having her move away from home is gonna do more harm than good. I just feel at a loss either way." I said as I shut the laptop.

Lena continued to stare at her screen but I could tell she wasn't reading it as I could see her eyes weren't moving. Both of us were in a fog.

"I think it's time to call it a night." I said as I leaned down and placed my laptop on the ground.

"I was hoping you'd say that." My wife said as she shut hers and placed it on the ground too.

"Cals! Get your pjs on and head in here!" I shouted from the bed loud enough for her to hear me.

"You could have just went and got her babe." My wife said laughing.

"Do you think Jesus and Jude know yet?" I asked Lena suddenly.

"I think Brandon or Mariana have said something to Jesus. He probably doesn't know the full detail of it though. And I'm not sure where Jude even is with all of this, yet if he even knows. But they both probably are assuming something is up since she is back to sleeping in our bed." I said.

"I thought you said we weren't going to let her out of our sight, yet she is in the other room." Lena said.

"Well she is with Mariana and I highly doubt she would do anything around her siblings."

"And when she does?" Lena questioned.

"I don't know. I'm confused. I don't get it. I just wanna go to bed." I said as I was feeling sleep deprived from the other night at the hospital.

"See, I think that's another thing, when we say something, we have to actually follow through on it. We need to set more clear boundaries." Lena suggested.

"It's just hard, our jobs, the other four kids, just life. Nothing mixes together anymore and our sex life is practically ruine-"

I was suddenly interrupted as I saw Callie appear at our door with her pajamas on. I hoped to god she didn't hear that.

"C'mon, hop in." I said as I scooted over and held the covers open.

Surprisingly she obediently came over and crawled onto the bed and scooted herself into the space we created.

"Did you change your bandages already?" I asked as I looked down at her. I saw her nod. Just to be sure, I gently grabbed her left arm and carefully rolled up her long sleeved pajama top partially.

I saw the clean gauze bandage wrapped around her arm and I saw that it was slightly damp meaning she put neosporin on. Usually I changed her bandages but I guess she was one step ahead of me tonight. Was she embarrassed about it?

I saw Lena reach over and shut off the lamp on her side. I took one last good look at Callie. I was trying to read her face, see what she was thinking.

"Why are you staring at me." I heard her say as she looked up at me.

Shoot, I was. "Sorry love, I was just thinking." I said as I leaned over and shut my side of the lamp off.

I then pushed myself further under the covers as Lena got situated too. But I could feel Callie's cold body in between us. Her body was as stiff as a board and I could hear her shallow breathing.

"Callie, talk to us. Please. We aren't going to get anywhere like this." I said as I just wanted answers.

"But I don't want to get anywhere. I'm fine and I feel safe where I am now in life." She said quietly but it still felt like it cut through the darkness like a knife. Like the blade she had used on her own skin.

"You feel safe? With what?" I asked concerned.

"With how I'm coping. I don't want it to change, it helps me and I'm scared to loose it and have nothing left."

Wow, she was sharing her feelings for once. We were on a roll so I guessed I should keep going.

"Okay, I understand that part, being scared of feeling empty yet overwhelmed if you don't have self harm in your life. How about you could self harm in a different way. Not leave as big and permanent scars." I said as rolled to turn and face Callie.

"Stef, what are you thinking?" My wife asked shocked and clearly not approving of my idea.

"No, hear me out Lena. You could rub an ice cube on where you usually cut. Or you could snap a rubber band on your wrists?" I said.

"I guess." Callie said dully.

"Sooo is that a yes that we are going to do that method instead?" I asked her.

"Sure." She said shortly before rolling over to face towards Lena.

I guess that was my hint to shut up.

"Okay, just know that we are far from done talking about other solutions and we will pick up this conversation again tomorrow." I said as a flopped my head onto my pillow.

Callie neglected to respond as I heard her take a deep breath.

"Goodnight babe." Lena said to me.

"Night Lena. Love you."

"Love you too." My wife said back.

"Night Miss Cals, love you." I said.

I got no response from the kid. Like many other times in the past.

I closed my eyes as I heard the whole house was silent. Everyone in their beds sleeping. And it made me calm knowing that my whole family was under the same roof and safe.

But what I didn't know, was that Mariana was awake, and holding her own blade in her hand, just curious to try it and see how it felt.

Soon enough tomorrow, I would find out how much harm was done.