Chapter 12

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Lmao, and you thought this would clear things up.

Lmao, and you thought this would clear things up

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               I messed up. I messed up really bad. Really really bad. I don't even know why I said that. I would have never so much as thought to say such a thing but it had fallen from my lips so easily...

              Balling my hair in my fist I ground my teeth. Why? I can't... I can't just leave him to believe that's what I think of him. I mean, it's not wrong but I would never tell him that. Not now. Not like that. And yeah, his crying may have made it worse but I've never been good with people crying.

           It's stupid and unnecessary- disgusting even.

          No...! No, it's normal, it's the natural response to both physical and emotional distress. I do it. Every time I'm overwhelmed I cry. Do I? When was the last time... Oh stars... What's happening to me? I was always anxious about what other people thought of me- I was easily overwhelmed and overly skittish.

           But now... I... Oh gods, do I even regret saying it? Why shouldn't I have spoken my mind? Why do I always have to pretend to be someone I'm not just to please others? I... I don't regret saying anything. It was true. All of it. 

           His annoying love for me caused me a lot of discomfort, always nagging that what I want doesn't matter because he was good enough, just because he hasn't since becoming a devil doesn't mean he never did it.

            I didn't help him out of the kindness of my heart... It was my fault that he had been put in the position to be killed, so I had to save him, if I hadn't his father would have surely figured out that it was because of my pushing that he was suddenly trying to make friends. And of course he was a monster. He wasn't human more was he demon. He was a revolting atrocity.

             An abomination that should have never been created.

           My stomach twisted as his face hadn't been the one to come to mind at the thought I keeled over, the food forcing itself free from my stomach. My body trembling and eyes burning. I was the monster. I wasn't human. Not anymore. I was a being that was never supposed to exist.

          A glass animans conceived through magic. I am a merger. An abomination. A failure before the gods. A monster to the spirits. A tool to the holy beasts. I couldn't even say I cared about those around me. Oh, stars I didn't care. Why didn't I care? What was wrong with me?

            Why is it, despite what I've just done, that I'm only thinking about myself?

           My head pounded, an ax slamming into it with every beat of my heart, my body burning and aching. The rush familiar, like I was mergering- but this. This was different. It stronger. Like my entire body was forcefully being changed. It wasn't the burn of a tail or the itch of an antler- it wasn't even like the pounding pain of hooves. 

            I need... I need help. I can't- I can't think. I need someone to tell me I'm just overreacting. I need someone, to tell me I'm nothing out of the ordinary. That I'm just another person. I need... 

        "Adrain," I cried out practically ripping my hair from my head and clawing the ground at the same time. "Adrain... Adrain... Please, Adrain... I- I need you. I- Adrain." I curled in on myself sobbing his name and roughly gripping my head. It hurts. It hurts so much. "Make it stop... Make it stop! Adrain- Please, I- make it stop!

        "It hurts, it hurts, make it- make it stop... Please..." I sobbed wildly, clawing at my head it grew. A scream pulling past my lips as my back snapped, my shirt shredding as something burst through the skin of my back and grew long past any tail I had ever had. Blood fogged my vision, my claws reaching the horns forcing themself free from my head.

          "I don't wanna! I don't wanna! Go away! Leave me alone! I didn't- I didn't do anything!" I begged, hands touching the searing solid building on my skin. A wing slamming whoever tried to touch me away. "I DON'T WANT TO-" Gagging, I was forced into silence as blood pushed past my throat.

           Make it stop. Please. I beg you, make it stop.

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