Yours | ✓

21 | Welcome to my Panic Attack

Chapter Twenty-One: Welcome to my Panic Attack

"this is how the world works,
you gotta leave before you get left"
~ taylor swift

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M O N I C A

"How have you been?" She said softly after sitting in silence for what felt like minutes.

I cleared my throat, keeping my eyes on the iced coffee in my hand. "Good, good," I mumbled, forcing myself to be a man and meet her gaze.

So after mentally bullying myself, I lifted my head and met Meredith's dark eyes. "I haven't heard from you since my birthday," I reminded her, glad that my voice found a steady pace.

Her cheeks turned to a shade of pink before looking to her cup. Since her long hair was in a ponytail, barely any hair covered her face by the action.

It's the ninth of October, almost two weeks since my birthday passed, and a week since I confessed to myself that I fell in love with Liam. Yesterday, there'd been a piece of paper in the backyard, reading, meet me at the cafe tomorrow at noon. back table.

After telling Liam—and arguing back and forth—I decided on stopping by. When I arrived ten minutes ago, I was stunned to see Meredith, sitting there with the same baggy clothes.

"Xavier... he's been watching me," she whispered, bringing my attention back to her. I watched as her eyes roamed around the cafe. "He doesn't want me to talk to you."

I sucked in a breath, hating how panicked she looked. When she met my gaze moments later, I spoke up. "Sorry—"

"I'm sorry—"

Both of us furrowed our brows, leaning back against the plastic seats. I shook my head after clearing my thoughts, pressing the palm of my hands on the table between us. "Why are you sorry?" I asked.

"I should have come back sooner," she admitted, smiling sadly as she tucked an invisible strand of hair behind her ear. "I... I let you be alone."

"I did that to myself," I retorted, putting my hand up. "I left without letting you explain. I didn't... I didn't think, I just ran," I ended up whispering before looking to my lap.

Neither of us spoke, and I tried to focus on the noise around us to try not to dwell on the uncomfortable silence between us.

"It's alright," Meredith said after a few moments, bringing my eyes back to hers. "I knew what it looked like, and I know after your mom got arrested, you..."

I sucked in a breath, remembering that she hadn't known the full story. Since I told her that it was my mom's boyfriend who was over, she assumed that he had been sexually assaulting me before getting shot by the police.

Not that it was better or worse, because there would never be an excuse to do anything without consent.

"Yeah," I cleared my throat, not wanting her to continue down that path.

Being friends with me since we were in preschool, she smiled sadly in understanding before sipping the fruity drink she ordered. "Why did you want to meet up?" I asked, making sure my voice didn't waver in fear.

Instantly, she tensed up, and I knew then that this wasn't a social call. "Xavier, I..." she shook her head, a shaky breath leaving her. "I don't know what to do. I feel like he's a completely different person."

"He's... ruthless, he's not like how I remembered," she whispered, her eyes filled with tears as she shook her head. "He's not happy anymore. He doesn't smile. And Kevin..."