In the End {1}

xvi: Hard to Forget

As they sat together on the shuttle, Ahsoka resisted the urge to take Lux's hand. She could tell it was just as hard for him, too, because it had been a while since she'd seen him that stiff. As long as she was with Nyx, she couldn't be with Lux. They were just friends. Nothing more.

Once they arrived, Ahsoka looked out the window and saw the large crowd of Senators making their way toward the entrance. She wasn't having second thoughts about coming, but seeing all of those people again brought back memories she really wanted to forget. She saw a familiar hairdo and squinted to make out the woman's face.

"Is that Senator Amidala?" she wondered aloud.

Lux shrugged. "Probably. I'd be surprised if she weren't here. She and the Chancellor go way back, after all."

And where there was Padme, there was Anakin. In hindsight, it would've been a good idea to at least tell her master that she was going to the gala.

Lux extended a hand. "Shall we?"

She took it and stood up. "We shall."

When she talked inside, she clung to Lux's arm. There were so many politicians. What was she doing there? She didn't belong. Everyone in attendance carried themselves with a sense of pride because of their importance to the people they represented or because they wanted to make whoever they came with look good. Ahsoka wasn't either of those. If she were still a Jedi, maybe she would feel more comfortable, but that wasn't the case anymore.

"Something wrong?" Lux asked softly.

She led him away from the crowd. "I don't think this was such a good idea," she said. "I'm nothing like these people. You probably should've taken someone else."

He took a step closer and held her hands. "No, if I wanted someone else, I would've asked someone else. You're more beautiful than anyone here, so don't think for a second that you don't belong."

"I'm an ex-Jedi, Lux. I'm a disgrace to these people! And I'm not beautiful, either. I'm brutally and painfully normal."

He squeezed her hands gently. "Ahsoka, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever met, and I mean that will all my heart. Who cares what they think? They don't know you like I do."

She stared at the ground.

"Hey, what's going on?" He lifted her chin with his thumb. "This isn't like you."

She sighed. "I don't know. I just..." She pictured the warehouse on level 1315 in her mind. The first time she entered that warehouse, she was a Jedi. Sure, she was a fugitive, but she was still herself. Now, she didn't recognize the broken person she'd become. Going back there reminded her of how much her life had changed. The Jedi had pushed her away, then the Republic, and now her boyfriend. Every time, she felt a part of herself—her old self—fade away. She wasn't happy anymore and doubted she ever would be. She just wanted to feel whole again.

"It's been a rough few days, that's all," she replied.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine. Just tired, I think."

Lux wasn't buying it, but he didn't press any further. That was one of the many things she loved about him. "We don't have to stay if you're going to be uncomfortable."

"No, it's okay." She pushed the image from her mind and looked around at the party going on in front of her. "Where are we going to start? There are a lot of people here."

"The buffet, of course," he winked. He handed her a drink, and they made their rounds.

As the party continued, it became easier for Ahsoka to push her doubts from her mind. She wasn't one for large social gatherings, but it was always better with Lux at her side. Plus, she really liked whatever it was that Lux had given her to drink. The alcohol was taking the edge off, and she was doing a poor job keeping track of how many drinks she had. Lux was too busy socializing with the other politicians to notice that she kept going back for refills, but it wasn't his job to babysit her.