I forgot that i am a Villainess

Chapter 34

"how to be brave, how can i love when I'm afraid to fall"
~Thousand years(Christina perry)

i pushed him with all of my strength

deep inside of me, there is something telling me that this is wrong

and when i asked myself what is it, an image came to mind

Kaizer

i realized that something is wrong with me, from the moment i woke up in my dream, a dream me loving a wrong man, my heart already turned dull to love again, i became numb to simple actions, and yet, i felt a  pang in my chest thinking that what if Kaizer would see me with another guy

i recently realized that little by little, i am recognizing Kaizer as a man from the moment he kissed me

just denying it

the fact that, i am still not ready

i still want to take revenge for my family's death

i only know a one sided love, i also have different kind of efforts to express my love, i did not experience a man having an intetest with me or liking me

that is why when a man is expressing his like or love in  a different way, i do not know how to respond, i do not not know that he is expressing his like or love,

i only know how to be rejected

but when i think it deeply, somehow, i felt that Kaizer maybe liked me

"I'm sorry" says the man in front of me

i glared at him

"you are going too far" i said not noticing my voice became deep because of irritation

maybe anger?

wait...i get angry

because Kaizer might see me with another guy

wait...do not tell me...

no wait!

i am still not sure about this feelings

i am still not stable about my life, still angry about my family's death

ang about my affection to Alois? i already moved on

but still that pain haunts me

i am scared...

scared to fall in love again

losing someome important to me is hard to bear

i walked in my room without looking at the man who made my night bitter

i do not have the time to think about that stranger anymore

but suddenly i felt his presence already disappeared, well that is good

i do not have the time to think about anything else

what will i do?

i slowly get in to the bed and face the ceiling

did i really just fall again? really?

i do not have time for those

these thougths made me crazy

i...i am still not ready

but what is the feeling of loving someone who also loves you?

i do not know

and yet i want to experience it

does it feel good?

laughing together

hugging together

helping together

saying words like i love you or i miss you

a passionate kiss that will met the heart on a cold night

i hugged myself

isnt it lovely?

i closed my eyes and replay my life in my head

replaying those times when i looled like a crazy

crazy for love

craving for affection

i just smiled bitterly

what will i do?

*************************

#Authors Note#

hi guys sorry for the very very late update and also sorry for having a short update.

I'll try my best to update daily, well my online classes are already near, i am going to be busy again but i will do my best to update my stories, lots of problems came that is why i did not have the tine to update my stories, thank you all for the patience and support^~^

lovelots!<3>_<
Deesakura009